I've had many conversations with women & there is one resounding concern. Why am I still single?
They rattle off their list of accomplishments, pride themselves on their strength, and profess how much they don't need a man. Then they sit back amongst their girlfriends and inquire about their shortcomings because they simply can't fathom why a man won't marry them. Well, I've dug a little in to this issue and used some of my personal experiences to compile this list of reasons as to why you are still single.
1.You're Ugly on the Inside. More men complain about a woman's attitude than anything else. Her attitude when it comes to doing anything. She's mad at the world and thinks every man owes her something. Newsflash: no person on this Earth owes you anything. I don't care what you've been through, what you've achieved, or how strong you are. You are no different from any one else. Everyone has been through something, accomplished something, and gained strength through adversity. You can be the most beautiful person on the outside but that's nothing if your personality sucks. That's why that female you deem ugly has men falling all over her. It's not all about the looks. Inner beauty is far greater than outer beauty. Fix this by truly loving yourself, exercising compassion to your fellow humans, and learning to be humble.
2.You're over-the-top I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T. You have your own car, your own crib, you work two jobs, you fly to the moon and back, you're handy with the tools, you don't need a man for anything and will express this to him every chance you get. This is a huge turn-off for men because 1- it's in a man's nature to provide, protect, and care for his woman and 2- men like to feel needed just as much as we do. If you are constantly screaming you can do everything for yourself by yourself then that's exactly what you'll be; by yourself. Fix this by allowing a man to help you with things. It's ok to ask his opinion. It's ok to ask him to repair something even if you already know how. It isn't about how much you can do, it's about making him feel needed and important to you. Don't smother your relationship with your over-the-top independence.
3.You Let Him Ruin It for Every Other Man. We have all had to deal with some degree of hurt from bad, broken, or toxic relationships but we mustn't let this taint our view of ALL men. All men are not the same and are not guilty of the same acts. You clearly have trust issues that should be dealt with before attempting to enter another relationship. A relationship without trust is akin to driving a car with no gas. It just won't go anywhere. Yes, the men from your past have caused you hurt but you must actually deal with the hurt instead of rushing into the arms of another man. Take your time! Allow yourself to heal and get over the pain. I know some you women reading this are thinking, "But I need a new man to get over the old one." Wrong answer! You are fooling yourself if you subscribe to this ideology. It's almost guaranteed the rebound man is just as bad if not worse than the ex, if you don't allow yourself to heal. Fix this by taking the time to grieve the old relationship (see Motivational Moments - People) and determine what lesson you are supposed to learn from its demise. Realize, it's ok to trust again. Embrace the bad relationships because they are really making you a better person, as long as you stay open and not bitter.
4.You Have No Respect for Yourself or Others. This is the woman who willingly sleeps with married men and is proud of it. This is the woman who has no standards and will usually do anything for every man who comes in her life. This is the woman who puts her 'man' before her children. This is the woman who is so scared of being without a man she loses complete site of herself. I like the saying that goes "When you stand for nothing you fall for anything." This woman has low self-esteem and no confidence, even if it's masked by arrogance. If you don't respect yourself enough then why should he respect you. Respect is earned not given. You can't earn it by falling for anything and everything. Fix this by setting some boundaries and standards for yourself and your dating life. Respect other people and their relationships. Married men are always off-limits. This is one of the most destructive relationships you could ever be part of. When you show respect for yourself, he will gladly give you the respect you command without saying a word.
5.You're A Liar. A woman meets a man and decides to give him her telephone number. During their first phone conversation, he informs her he is not interested in being in a serious relationship at that time. He continues that he is having fun and enjoys meeting and dating new people. The woman agrees to just being friends while secretly thinking she can change his mind once she gives him a little nookie or shows him how good of a woman she is. LIE! You told him you were cool now you want to change things in the middle. Not cool! That epitomizes playing games. You can't persuade a man into doing anything he really doesn't want to do. If you so happen to get your way, please understand this only temporary. He is already looking for the exit. Majority of men will tell you exactly who they are but we must learn to listen and believe what they are telling us. 'I don't want a relationship' means exactly that. Fix this by meaning what you say and saying what you mean. We don't like when men play games with us so let's take the lead and not play games with them.
6.You Rush Him. Everything is a process that must form in its own time, including relationships. When we go to the salon we don't want the beautician rushing on our hair because it won't look right when she's done. The same is true in relationships. You can't rush a man into being your boyfriend, fiance, or husband. Guess what, a baby won't make him stay either. Imagine this scenario; you are visiting a park for the very first time and as you stroll through the park you notice all the details which make it so beautiful. Now on the other hand, you could get to the park quickly rush down the path to the end and missed everything it had to offer. My point here is to allow relationships to form as they will. Fix this by turning your clock off, stop listening to other people's advice on where your relationship should be, and let things flow. Remember every person you meet is supposed to be a lifetime partner. Enjoy their reason or season in your life.
I am a lifelong student of people and relationships. These are just a few of the things I've learned along the way.
Until next time,