I recently read an article on Huffington Post - Divorce written by Janis Spindel entitled Life After Divorce: Sex (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janis-spindel/post_3536_b_1625608.html?nci...). I have to call Ms. Spindel out on this article because she completely contradicted herself. She agrees in the beginning of her post that women are emotional and therefore is harder to engage in casual sex because of the emotional attachment. The she concluded with this paragraph:
"Men are simple; they like sex. I am not encouraging men to go out and have a lot of random sexual partners and hurt women in the process. I believe that having casual sex can be a good thing for people after divorce, especially if they have been in a sexless marriage. But, both men and women need to agree that it will be casual -- that way no one gets hurt."
Are you serious? No one gets hurt in casual sex if both parties agree. I know far too many women who thought they could engage in this casual sex thing and got crushed in the process because they didn't know how to separate emotions from pleasure. There will always be some degree of hurt in this situation. Once a woman has sex with a man a certain degree of expectation ensues. And as I always say, "Expectation breeds disappointment." The last sentence is almost impossible and let's not mention degrading. Why would a woman purposely engage in random sex with random men because she got divorced. As a divorcee, I understand her point of getting back out there. I agree wholeheartedly that men and women should date and date a lot. But dating doesn't mean sex. When did casual sex become the acceptable thing to do? What are we teaching the younger generation who are watching and mimicking our every move? Be free, merry, and sexed?
Divorce is difficult by itself, especially when it involves children. Why make the healing process even more complicated by attempting to have casual sex with random people? I say, say no to casual sex because;
•Women are emotional. Yes, it's true and I don't care how strong you are, we are emotional creatures. Sex is an emotional experience. That is why the more we feel for a person the better sex becomes and the instant are emotions run dry for them so does the good sex. Don't get entangled in this emotional dance with someone just for kicks and giggles. Save your heart for someone whom you can really enjoy it with.
•Sex clouds judgement. Since women are emotional, most women are meeting a man in the club and immediately running to the bathroom to engage in sexual acts. This means there is sort of get to know you process taking place. Once you give up the nookie, all bets are off, and your judgement is impaired by the emotional high sex brings.
•Giving away yourself. Every time you engage in sexual acts with a man, you leaving behind a piece of you. Your spirits are intertwined even if it was only once. Would you give every man you meet keys to your house? I don't think so. Why then would you allow him to enter your sacred place?
•We are only fooling ourselves. Over-sexed women are masking their true emotions or insecurities. Sex is a band-aid that falls off quickly after the act. Most women will feel a huge crash from this sexual high that makes the entire act not even worth it. You are only fooling yourself by thinking you can play a man's game. Men are analytical and can separate pleasure from emotions. Agreed. Emotions and pleasure are one in the same for women.
Until next time,