When a man gets married, he has a new priority: his wife. It's a new life, with a new woman taking the top spot in that life. It's OK to ask for advice from your parents from time to time, but when his reaching out invades the communication between partners, that's when you know it’s not just advice anymore. It's reliance. And he did not marry his mom. Love Bytes: Are Mama's Boys Better Husbands?
If he always needs his mother’s input, he may never look to you for decisions, or to himself. That's a big red flag. If he can't make his own choices without her guidance, he may never grow into a man on his own accord. He won't trust himself, so he'll feel asking his mother for advice is the only way to go. After all, that is what he's done all his life. And how are you supposed to trust him if he doesn't trust himself?
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3. You are "the other woman," so to speak.
Meg began her relationship with her fiance when they were in high school. They were each other's first serious relationship. Meg noticed early on that her fiance was his mama's baby boy. He is the oldest boy of three. He is close to his mother, but Meg wasn't going to let his relationship with his mother deter her from their relationship altogether. "Sometimes I think his mom thinks I'm interfering with their mother-son relationship. But, I fell in love with him, not his mother. I'm not going to let her be the reason for leaving."
I asked Meg if she thinks his mother feels like she is stealing her baby away. "Yes! At times, it feels like I'm competing with her."
Although it can be difficult to feel you still have to earn your spot in your husband's life, it's not about him. It's about his mom. Amy's developed a strategy to get her on board. "I've learned that the more time I spend with her, the less of a threat I am to her. I am giving her more opportunities to get to know me, and I like that." 7 Tips For Happy Holidays With Your Mother-In-Law
4. He expects you to be like her.
"He's a baby at home, but a perfect gentleman out in public, if that makes sense," Amy said about her husband. "He always needs taking care of, and I assume that's because of his mother. I really don't think he's lazy, OK, well maybe a little, but with the way he was raised, he merely expects me to take care of him. And, I do because I love him."
Sometimes you have to decide what habitual behaviors to accept as they are, because he is a product of his upbringing, and which to break him of. Like Amy's experienced, it's a pick-and-choose your battles type of decision. 15 Love Lessons From Our Mothers
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If he always needs to be cleaned up after, or still expects his mother (or you) to clean up after him, he may not be totally responsible for that ritual, but he is still responsible for changing his ways. It's your choice if you want to baby him, but you should probably sit him down and tell him you will not continue supporting lazy behavior, no matter what his mother has done in the past. Refusing to talk it out will only build tension in the relationship, and things will probably blow up further down the line.