“I know he is a jerk, but I am just head over heels!”, “My head says no, but I really love him”, “He can be violent, but he will never hurt me”.
How many times have we relied on hormones and chance when choosing a man?
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You know how it works: a little bit of alcohol, influence of friends/relatives, sex a little bit too prematurely and you are head over heels. That would be a path of an inexperienced teenager but when you are 20 or more and still do the same thing over and over, that is not choice of a wise woman.
Don’t get me wrong, your intuition MAY be right and it MAY happen as in a movie or fairytale and he MAY become your Prince. But more often than not, it does not work out.
The conclusion is simple: we have to make conscious choices. We have to observe, ask questions, draw conclusions and then make that impossible leap of faith and be head over heels. It is a truism that the women choose men.
So, do exactly that – choose... consciously. You have to become your own best friend and advisor. You have to become a detective. How is he treating other people? What is he doing in his spare time? Does he pay everything on credit? Does he yell at his mum? How is he treating you? What does he say about his previous relationships? Why did they not work out? Then you draw conclusions: is he constantly depressed and unhappy? Was he was about to start a fight when that other guy tried to chat you up? Has he got a huge debt and is he waiting for his parents to die so he can get that inheritance? Is he hoping to win the lottery? Does he love computer games so much that when you try to talk to him, he ignores you?
That is exactly how he is going to act with you when you are married.
Do not expect that love will transform him and he will be totally different. No. This behavior is so ingrained, that it will require amazing willpower to change it and, judging by his actions, he does not have this willpower. Don’t waste your time, move on. Even if you bought a house together and you have lived together for 5 years, move on if it does not feel right and your relationship exists only because you put in so much effort (as many women tend to do).
Don’t be afraid, some years later you will be laughing at yourself for being silly and not leaving him sooner. If he is willing to change for you, he will chase you and he will make sure he gets you back. If he does not, let him go. Don’t waste each other’s time.
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Life is way too short for bad relationships, you deserve much better. You will have to work on it, but things are going to be much better after all this work.
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