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How to Be A “Grown-Up” in an Open Relationship


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What not to do in an open relationship and how to quickly lose the person you’re dating.

There are many people out there in open relationships, but many don’t know how to be an adult in one. My number one rule for being in an open relationship is honesty then to respect the person you’re sleeping with, always. Even if you’re sleeping with two or three people, you respect each one and treat them how you want to be treated. I truly believe that you treat others how you want to be treated. So when I see someone treating me like crap then they must want me to treat them like crap too.

And remember that when you’re in an open relationship that the person(s) you’re dating are people with feelings just like you, so respect them and be honest.

Here’s what not to do in an open relationship and how to quickly lose the person you’re dating: 

- Be Open - In the very beginning be open and honest about the kind of open relationship you want. Meaning, will you be serious with only one person where you swing with each other or only see other people when you’re out of town, etc.? Or do you want an open relationship where you can see as many people as you want and you don’t talk about it to each other? There are many other ways to go about an open relationship, this is why you need to talk about it in the beginning and be open and honest about what you both want so as not to hurt the other person down the road. (That is if you're a person who has a heart). If you just want to be a "player" then don't say you want to be in an open relationship or agree to be in one. Big difference in the two.

- Don’t Lie – The great thing about being in an open relationship is that you have NO reason to lie to the other person. There’s no need to lie about where you were the other night because you both know you’re seeing other people. You don’t have to come right out and say you were out with another girl, just say you were out and leave it at that. But don’t say you were out with guy friends and make up a big story then get caught in your lie down the road. That only shows that you have something to hide when you never did to begin with.

- Little Lies – If you can’t be up front with someone from day one, with something as little as your age, then what else are you going to lie about to the person you’re dating? And when someone does catch you in a little lie, tell the truth. Don’t lie again about your age, because then you’ve made the lie bigger and it just shows that if you’re capable about lying about that (3 times), then what else are you lying about that’s big?

- Respect The Person You’re Sleeping With – I said this before and I can’t stress this enough but you have to respect the person(s) you’re sleeping with in an open relationship. Meaning, don’t take naked photos of them and betray their trust, along with acting like an immature adult, by texting them to your guy friends. That is so immature!

- Respect The Person You’re Dating – The one thing about open relationships is that they can take a little more work depending on how many lovers you’re dating. Personally, I think it’s always best to just date two people as that’s all I can handle. So when you make a date with one of your lovers, that date should be just for the two of you and about them. This is their time with you. I make sure that when I’m going out on a date I put aside work, my phone, any stress from the day and anyone I’m dating on the side. DON’T use your date with one lover to text your other lover and carry on a conversation with this other person while on a date. If you can’t stand not to talk to her then go be with her not me.

- Don't Bring Up Other Lovers – When you’re out on a date sometimes it’s fine to talk about past (not current) relationships especially if it’s something funny. But don’t be on a date with someone you’ve been dating for a while and mention a girl, that you’ve been having kinky sex with, and ask your date to give you some dating advice on them. Are you seriously kidding me? I'm not your buddy, I'm your lover and the person you'll be sleeping with later that night.

- Lying To Your Other Lovers – Maybe you’re being honest with one girl you’re dating, about being in an open relationship because it was her idea. But don’t lie to your other lovers about only seeing them. Don’t use your time on a date to befriend some random guy at a bar to take photos of the two of you, so that you can text your other lover showing her that you’re out with "friends." It’s extremely rude to the person you’re on a date with because you’re supposed to be with her not texting your other lover photos and having a conversation with them. Plus you’re lying to her and you’re being rude and disrespectful to your date.

- Caught in Your Lies – When you’ve been caught in your lies don’t try to cover them up by lying more, especially when the person is telling you to come clean about your lies. That’s your time to be honest especially if the person likes you and is giving you another chance. Don’t just sit there and lie to their face again and again. When someone catches you in enough lies, trust me the truth will come out even if that means they have to do their own research. Because when they finally do find out the truth, after you’ve lied to them again (but had no reason too), there’s no trusting you ever again. It’s over after that.

- Be Honest – Being in an open relationship allows you to be honest. You shouldn’t have to worry about hiding other people you’re seeing because you’ve already established that you’re seeing other people. So why lie? Don’t decide to come clean all of a sudden when someone finally confronts you by telling them you’ve been lying to them this entire relationship. And that you owe them at least that by coming clean about all your lies. What you owe them is an apology and to show them some respect!

Open relationships aren’t for everyone, but if you can be an adult in one by being honest and respecting the person, along with treating them how you want to be treated then they can work and last a very long time. Who knows maybe down the road both of you realize that you want a committed relationship and it turns into something more. Just don’t be a jerk and immature when it comes to being in an open relationship.

-The Single Girl®: Your Naughty Lifestyle Guide

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.

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