While his personality or the nature of his relationship may preclude him sharing some of these expectations with his spouse, they are likely to remain deeply embedded in his heart because he sees them as an essential part of his sexual entitlement.
Some of the primary expectations of males include:
• an on-par sex drive or at least a willingness to provide sex on demand
• sexual confidence and freedom from inhibition
• a willingness to initiate sex and try new things
• an ability to forgive and forget his sexual indiscretions (as in his cheating if he does)
• a willingness to praise his sexual prowess while assuring him that he’s really packing it
• a sexy body capable of basic gymnastic contortions
• fearlessness when it comes to talking sexy
These are not exhaustive by any means and may vary depending on the personality, religious persuasion, experience or socialization of the male. At any rate, I think we can safely say that many men have a wonderful "sex ideal" somewhat like this in their heads. The sad thing is that a man when sexually unfulfilled, can, through fantasy, substitute his spouse for an unrealistic ideal and the unsuspecting wife may not have a clue! So what's a woman to do? While there is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to please one's partner sexually, a relationship is about growth and development in all areas, including the bedroom. It can also become a little sticky when one member of the couple -mainly the male- is setting all the rules.
It is however not only important for a couple to grow together sexually but there must be a delicate balance between compromising to please and being allowed to be one's self. No man should force us to swing from the chandeliers in some Tarzan suit if we're afraid of heights, simply because he likes jungle themes. At the same time as women, we can learn to preserve an element of surprise in the relationship by initiating something out of the ordinary. Preserving our sense of sexual mystery even when we have been married for several years is also an important part of keeping the relationship fresh. That means not always doing what is expected in the way it is expected. It also means switching things up a bit, flipping the sexual script (for example abandoning the missionary position for a month), planning a sexy surprise and learning how to be totally unpredictable. This can keep a man so much on his toes that he doesn't have the time to pine over his sexual ideal. In fact, we can become the new ideal and every previous lover or present fantasy, can pale in comparison.
To be fair in this discussion however the responsibility for the balance of which I speak, should not lie solely with us women. Men must be made aware that unlike the days of yore, sex no longer revolves around them. This satellite mentality is outdated and harmful to relationships. It highlights how sexually selfish men can be in expecting to have their every whim and fancy catered to at all times, regardless. As I've said in a previous article, fantasizing can be lethal to a relationship. By the same token, an unrealistic sexual ideal by which a man measures his partner can also spell death to his woman's sexual confidence; especially after she's gained a few pounds from the baby or comes home chronically tired from work. A harsh and critical response to his spouse which screams rejection, can really seal the deal in deepening the levels of sexual dissatisfaction in the relationship.