You won’t find Love Spice behind the fridge door…

I do that thing that men do…you know, when you open up the fridge door and just gaze endlessly into the cold, white beyond. I’m looking…but I don’t see…and then the fridge door is closed again and another pointless exercise in my life is at an end.
It struck me that this was a pretty close analogy to what my love life is like currently: I look…but I don’t see! I’m not saying that the sexual relationship I have with my partner is as cold and sterile as the free range eggs in the fridge door but I could certainly do (to continue this bizarre analogy) with digging out the odd pot of chili or hot salsa sauce to liven things up a little.
Now, the question is, where do you go for some good old fashioned advice on spicing up the action in the bedroom and figure out how to get the love of my life turned on again?
First and foremost, avoid asking friends, family and neighbors if possible; when you reveal your most intimate secret and they finally stop laughing at you, the advice they offer is pretty much worthless. How my father ever thought that keeping his socks on for sex would ever encourage my mother is beyond me…in fact, why am I even having these thoughts?
You’ve got to be careful with internet research too. Type ‘spicy love life’ into Google’s trusty search engine and you end up with a mix of You Tube videos which need shielding from young eyes or the latest ‘hot events’ surrounding one Z-list celebrity or another. However, help is at hand if you choose you search words carefully as I found out when I plugged in ‘spice up your love life’. From the sheer weight of search results, it seemed everybody has got their own crop of theories of how to get things cooking between us again (oh look…I’m back in the kitchen)!
I guess my first reaction was that there was nothing radicle in any of the tips I began to read through: everything was pretty much what I used to do when I first met the girl of my dreams. It was just a case of going back to basics and doing the stuff that turned us both on in the early days.
And what was the first thing we did back then? We dated. So, the first obvious step for us was to nominate a date night and treat it like we treated it when we first courted: pick a great venue to go out; dress up nice; flirt with each other wildly across the table and put each other through the headboard when we got home. Okay...the kids did get in the way when we first tried this but once we got to grips with booking a sitter, we were on fire!
Changing the times and place for sex was another thing we used to spice things up. Oh…the bed at bedtime is so predictable! We realized how much fun we were getting catching up on sex on the dining table in the middle of the afternoon or sneaking in a ‘quickie’ in the shower before work in the morning. Doing it on the pool table when the kids are halfway through a frame is pushing it…but you get the picture.
We got into trying all the good pointers I found on how to spice up our love life: trying new sexual positions (avoid the wheelbarrow if you have a dodgy back, mind!); digging some old friends out of the bottom drawer – remember a rabbit is a sex toy and doesn’t need a hutch; putting on adult movies (although make sure you put the DVD back in the right case…oops, that doesn’t look like Harry Potter!) and even trying some medicinal support.