These women, Badinter writes, "were receptive to the new order of the day: children first." That was the top of the slippery slope that led down into attachment parenting. Badinter is scathing in her denouncement of attachment parenting advocates, whom she believes force women to tether themselves to their children at risk to themselves, their welfare and their identity. For Badinter, attachment parenting is regressing society and the La Leche League is Public Enemy No. 1. On Nursing A Toddler: Why That TIME Mom Could Be Me
Badinter composes her argument with well-documented research and articulate vitriol. So much for ending the mommy wars, this book stokes the flames—noting that French women with their governesses, nannies, wet nurses, boarding schools and formula are better able to develop their identities and careers.
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And Badinter's arguments seem to ring true. Many of the parents I know who embrace attachment parenting readily admit that their parenting style causes them to lose themselves within their kids, "But," noted one mom, "I wouldn't have it any other way. That's what it means to have children."
Badinter's book, while forceful, misses the point that those who embrace natural parenting are more than willing to get lost in their children and find joy in the experience (or at least insist they do). And is Badinter slinging indicatives against a movement any more helpful than attachment parenting advocates forcing guilt on formula-using working moms?
Many of Badinter's critics write her off as a woman of privilege who doesn't understand the realities of parenting, because she's been protected from them by money, which gives her access to better schools and better childcare. But I think Badinter's arguments, if anything, support women who face tough economic realities and seek to remove the guilt that comes from not being able to give up everything to devote yourself to your children.
In my own parenting, I've struggled with the balance between devoting myself to my child and working on my career. The realities of who my daughter is didn't work with attachment parenting, and the realities of who I want to be don't mesh with that style either. And yet, there are some things we hold on to: I do my best to feed my daughter the healthiest food I can muster, but if one day when we're exhausted and sick and we need to get a French fry, then that's OK.
I wash my hands of that guilt. It's the same with television. In our house, it's off. But the weekend she got Hand, Foot and Mouth disease and mama needed a freaking break, "Shaun the Sheep" came to the rescue. And I have a babysitter, yes, but I do my best to be present with her in our moments together.
Badinter's evaluation of American parenting hits notes of truth. In Western Europe, Badinter points out, where maternity policies are generous, and birthrates are high, parents do seem more relaxed. Comparatively, American parents are often squeezed to the breaking point by demanding companies that require long work hours and provide little to no maternity leave. Something has to change.
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Yet, like the La Leche League and the "attachment parenting or die" types, Badinter misses the point. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to parenting, and no quick answers to the juggling act all parents are forced into when they face their little one and think: Oh god, now what?