Are You Trapped in the Relationship Maze?


Are You  Trapped  in  the  Relationship  Maze?
Have men and women become trapped in a complex maze of our own making, designed to keep us apart?

4. You’re ready for a marriage proposal and I’m the lucky guy.
5. You want me to agree with everything you say.

What Men Say
1. I want to spend more time with you.
2. I can’t get you out of my mind.
3. I want you to look out for my needs; I have feelings too.
4. Maybe we can start an exercise routine together.
5. I want to take care of you.


What Women Think
1. You want another opportunity to jump my bones.
2. You want to wear down my resolve with sweet, flattering words.
3. I can’t stand a sniveling guy and I’m definitely not your mother.
4. You think I need to lose weight.
5. You want to control me with your money.

Of course these are just a few examples which are not exhaustive by any means and according to culture and socialization they may change. They however do bring home the point that what we hear/think, is often filtered by our past experiences, the stories we’ve been told by our friends, what we witnessed as children and even by the male-female script presented in the media. The problem with this super-script is when we allow it to become gospel and accept it as the defining parameter for all of our relationships.

There will always be men who are unscrupulous and women who are users. This tendency to look out for numero uno at all costs is just a part of human nature which is unlikely to change. If we hope, however, to find true love, then we have to be willing to give each man or woman we encounter the courtesy of a “clean slate”. So take this advice.

Try not to lump all male and female behavior into the same mold, no matter how tempting it is to do so. Allow a guy or a girl a chance to prove themselves. Keep the channels of communication open and don’t assume that this guy is exactly like your last. Resist the urge to channel your past pain into a new relationship prospect. This does not mean acting naively or putting aside our common sense or our intuition, but it means giving that individual a brief opportunity to prove us wrong. It means keeping hope alive and not being deliberately adversarial or negative in our expectations. Basically it means practicing grace and graciousness, while admitting our own foibles.

Navigating the relationship maze does not mean dropping our guard or lowering our expectations or standards but it does mean adopting a mature response to the exciting opportunity of meeting new people. More importantly, navigating that maze also means looking inward to ensure that we are perhaps somewhere close to the ideal, we are so steadfastly looking for in a mate.

Find more articles by Denise J. Charles at

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