One-Night Stand Etiquette: Who Should Cover Birth Control?

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the pill film one night stand dilemma
A "he said/she said" on proper one-night stand etiquette.

I no longer ask how many other partners a guy's had, but I figure we've both been around the block. We know how pregnancy works, and that sex puts us both at risk. It's important to discuss. If I were in a sexual situation with a guy who didn't ask if I'd been tested and if I use birth control, I probably wouldn't want to sleep with him. How can he be so reckless about his health or mine?

Most people I go out with either know or assume I'm pro-choice. Typically, this comes up before we get physical, especially during an election year. Just as I don't want to get diseased or pregnant, I also don't want to end up naked with someone who doesn't believe in a woman's right to choose. But that's just me.


I think the issue of paying for birth control depends on relationship status. If you're single and not in a committed sexual relationship, you can't really expect an occasional partner to front the cost of your contraceptive. If he sleeps with you once, why should he help finance an entire month of protection? That said, there's no problem with expecting the guy to supply the condom. You should be using these with another contraceptive, if you're not in a monogamous relationship. So you're basically going dutch. (Yes, it sucks that condoms are cheaper than anything requiring a prescription.)

Which brings me to the big question: Who's responsible if contraception fails, or if two people fail to use it at all? Both people. It takes two to tango, whether you do it once when you're drunk or you've been doing it for three years in a shared apartment. A man and a woman who aren't in a relationship should split the cost of the morning-after pill immediately, if they've had unprotected sex. If they miss that window, and a woman chooses to get an abortion, it's the same thing. Go halvsies. It's less expensive than having a child you're not ready for. You both needed each other to make this mistake. You can both do something to fix it.

He (YourTango's Tomfoolery blogger Thomas Miller) says:
While my own experience with single-serving sex is exceptionally limited (they keep coming back, knowwhatI'msayin), I know some handsome dudes who chase down strange with some frequency. We all hate using condoms as much as the next guy but do realize going raw dog on a one-night stand is bad news beers [sic].

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