Is This Normal? My Weight Is The Problem

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woman on scale
Should weight be such a heavy issue in a relationship?

This week, over in the Ask YourTango forums, a user wants to know if her boyfriend really has a problem with her weight or if he was just on a drunken rant, and well, I'll let her explain:

"Recently, we went to a party, and he had a little much to drink. When we got home, he proceeded to tell me that he didn't feel like our sex life was up to snuff because of my weight. He said that he didn't feel attracted to me because of it, but that he loves me for who I am now. Then he proceeded to offer to help me lose weight in any way that he can. The next day, he was very apologetic and said that he shouldn't have said those things to me. I have not gained weight since we first started dating, as a matter of fact, I have lost weight, so I felt from the beginning that he accepted me with the extra weight. Now I'm afraid to even think about initiating sex, and I know I have been much less "cuddly" and affectionate because I feel like he is repulsed by me. Should I just chalk this up to a drunken rant? Or maybe he actually meant what he said, he just had enough to drink to loosen his tongue. I wonder how I can have a relationship with someone who isn't attracted to me, but the thought of losing him kills me..."

Annnd, yikes. What a devastating thing for him to do. In all fairness to him, we've all had ugly moments. I mean, I know I've thought vile, vile things about the chin fat of a person who we'll just call my "musband." And it was ridiculous, and I'm glad I never said anything, until now. Oh great. There goes my marriage. 

But really, on the one hand, he said something pretty devastating. But on the other hand, he said he was sorry. In these cases, I like to rely not on the words but on the actions. How does he treat you? If all is good and your winky-winky, nudge-nudge life is floundering then, there are things you can do to show him why they call those things the love handles. Seriously, do some research on his fantasies, plan out some special nights and rock his world. And as for the weight thing, that's for you to decide what to do. But I think you should let him know how hurtful his words were to you. 

But what do I know? The last time some guy told me I needed to work out, I spilled my drink on him (no jokes). And then I was all, "Oh, I guess us fat girls are so clumsly." Then I said some words I shouldn't write down, because I have a kid and one day she might do something stupid, like Google my name.

Okay, your turn. What do you think? Is it normal for weight to pose this much of an issue in the relationship?

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