"I felt we were stuck," Michael says about that period. "Initally we were all gung-ho and ready to go, and then months and months and months went by with nothing."
Our trouble getting pregnant was one of many things we weren't communicating about at the time. Instead, we each simmered in our own, separate pots of resentment and frustration. He began staying out late most nights, bar-hopping with co-workers, compounding the isolation I was experiencing as a work-at-home writer. When he finally came home at 2 or 3 in the morning, I cried silently in bed as we lay back to back.
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Things came to a head when I finally confronted him with my unhappiness. When he responded by suggesting a trial separation, I was devastated. I countered with a plan that included improved communication, compromise, and therapy. Obviously, we took a break from attempted babymaking.
Luckily, after only a few months of working together to save our marriage, our relationship was stronger than ever, and we decided we were ready to move forward.
This time, however, we decided to seek out some extra help. On our first visit to the fertility center, I felt overwhelmed by the amount of information thrown at us. Where previously we had been stuck in neutral, feeling new disappointment every time I got my period, it suddenly seemed we were hurtling forward at an incredible speed. Still, we felt reassured by how matter-of-fact our doctor was. What You Don't Know About Infertility
"You're making the right move," she said, after going over our medical history and asking us questions about our approach toward babymaking. She then extolled the virtues of intrauterine insemination (IUI); talked us through a four-page checklist of tests, medication classes, and procedures; whisked me into another room for an ultrasound; shuttled us across the office to chat with the financial coordinator; and sent us out the door, slightly dazed.
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In the coming months, I got blood work done three times. Michael got blood drawn, too. I got my HSG. Nothing popped. I should have been happy but, with each clean bill of health, I only felt more frustrated. I wanted a concrete explanation for why the past one and a half years of babymaking sex hadn't yet yielded the expected baby.