But it's not just Ania or her gross friend. It's society-at-large, the random guys who stumble upon something I've written and think that guarantees them a chance, or a guy I go out with who thinks he'll score because I let it slip that I've written about sex.
So, why the disconnect? Why is female sexual enjoyment still connected with a lack of discernment? I, for one, am quite choosy. I prefer guys who are tall and fit, and I have a predilection for manly men. I like guys that know how to treat me like a lady, whether it be for one night or several. So, why did my friend think I wanted to bang her short, scrawny friend in the bad polyester shirt? It wasn't as though I was Tucker Max just looking to screw anything in sight.
As sex educator and author of Getting Off: A Woman's Guide to Masturbation, Jayme Waxman explained to me, "I think that people assume if you talk about sex, you're less discriminating about who you have sex with—and that's just not the case." Is Solo Sex The Key To The Female Orgasm?
She's right. That's like saying a foodie will eat at McDonald's. Or a fashionista will shop at Kmart. I love high heels, but it doesn't mean I'm going to wear clear acrylic stripper heels from Trashy Lingerie just because they're on sale. It's all Stella McCartney here, thank you very much.
"Because our society still has a difficult time talking about sex, when a woman does, it's easy for someone to think she must be open and available. Often she is open and available to TALK about sex, but not to have it with everyone," Waxman continues.
She's right. The misconceptions surrounding women who are having a lot of sex are still alive and well. When the now infamous Lena Chen started blogging about her sex life as an undergrad at Harvard, the assumptions hurled at her came quickly and furiously. Haters called her a "slut" and "whore" for simply talking about something everyone does. Harvard's Sex Blogger On Sex And The Spotlight
"They [the haters] predicted that my boyfriend would leave me after getting tired of my "gaping" and "diseased" "cunt," and three years later we're still together… Well, guess what? This slut broke every single rule, didn't get her life ruined, and realized that there's not so much to be afraid of in the Big Bad World after all," she says on her blog The Ch!cktionary.