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Don't have sex in a Port-a-Potty, and more tips for surviving the Coachella music festival.
By Amanda Chatel — Written on Apr 12, 2019
I've been to Coachella once. It was back in the day when I could stomach outdoor concerts that consisted of thousands of people whacked out of their mind on drugs and alcohol, and each one of them hoping to go home with someone. I'm not judging these people, because I was one of them.
Coachella has come a long way since it started in 1999 when on-site camping was not even permitted, and has evolved into something more mainstream. Although the bands that play run the gamut from totally obscure to obscenely famous (Madonna played in 2006, for example), it still seems to be the go-to destination every April for both music aficionados and wannabes looking to prove to themselves and others that why, yes, they are cool.
Whether you're going to Coachella, already there, or just curious about it, you may want to know how to find love at this annual music festival. And here are three tips to get you there.
1. Expect to find a mixed crowd.
Once upon a time, when Coachella wasn't as painfully mainstream as it is now, the crowd was crawling with hot indie guys, with their gorgeous half-sleeve tattoos and beat up old Chucks, but these days it's not quite the same.
Proof? Like 10 of my friend's finance buddies went this year and had never even heard of single band — they just happened to have the money to go, unlike many die-hard fans who lack the funds. But despite these types, there are still those who go for the music and meeting people, as opposed to the scene.
2. Dress skimpily and comfortably.
So what should you wear if you're headed to Coachella or are currently already there? First of all, it's going to be ridiculously hot, since you're in the desert. These types of temperatures call for bikinis — as many will be wearing — but if you don't feel comfortable dancing around in such minimal wear, then match a bikini top with a mini-skirt or barely-there shorts.
For the sake of the heat, it's going to be a good idea to keep your hair up, but messily so, because that's far more sexy than some pulled-tight, straight-laced 'do. And when it comes to makeup, skip it because it's just going to melt right off your face.
As for shoes, you absolutely must go the comfy route. Don't think of Coachella as the best place to break in those cute new sandals, because you'll regret it later. I recommend sneakers (Chucks!) or boat shoes that are amply broken-in. Blisters ruin days of dancing!
3. Don't have sex in a Port-a-Potty.
Once you're looking all sexy, there's a good chance a hipster or wannabe hipster will want to get you either behind some Port-a-Potty (we're looking right at you, Gerard Butler) or in his tent. This will turn into a precarious situation, because although you'll probably never see this person again (most people at Coachella aren't exactly looking for life partner), will you ever be able to go back to having sex with non-jerk-hipsters again?
Because if you won't, that's a problem. But hey, when it comes to Coachella, it's sort of like Vegas. Whatever happens in Indio, CA, stays in Indio, CA. You should, however, look into some better places for public sex than a Port-a-Potty.