How To Choose The Right Person
The person you pick is likely not an experienced "pro" and may need coaching. Interfaith wedding officiant Deborah Roth says: "They may know you well, but they might not have the experience of bringing in the meaningful pieces that are a blend of tradition and personalization."
Aside from experience and a stage presence, look for a selfless person, Roth advises. "They need to get that it is all about you—it's not about them. You call the shots. I tell my couples they can put words in my mouth," Roth says.
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Rabbi Reuben suggests couples should "write down the things they want to make sure get said at their ceremony about them, their relationship, and the values they cherish, as well as share with the officiant the things that matter most in their lives."
It's also important to choose someone who is close to both you and your betrothed. "Unless you've grown up together like Harry Potter and his two buddies, that person isn't going to know both people the same way. Make sure that everyone, including the one who doesn't know the prospective officiant well, feels comfortable with the whole thing," says Roth.
Just like deciding to get married, choosing and working with an officiant is an important step that can help you marry in the way you wish.
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"At the end of the day, the goal is to come out the other side legally bound and newly energized for the lifelong dance of joining two family clans through your new life as a married couple," says Thomas. Whether that means getting married by an interfaith minister, rabbi, priest—or your BFF—is your choice.