Is This Normal? Would You Force Your Partner To Lose Weight?

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man with pizza
How important is weight to your relationship?

It's no secret that America has one big national muffin top, but the topic of weight is one fraught as much with anxiety, prejudice and stereotypes as much as it is with fat, calories and sugar. Needless, to say the issue of weight is a heavy one. So, how do you handle it when your partner needs to lose a few pounds?

Recently, a fan of the site wrote in to ask if it was normal for her to feel unattracted to her partner now that he's gained some weight. "I love him. He is a kind man and a good father. But the 50 extra pounds he's gained since we got married seriously gross me out. I don't want to be near him and I'm losing patience with him. I'm healthy. I run six days a week and encourage him to come with me but he refuses. I make healthy meals, but he fast food for lunch. He just likes to sit at home and play video games and honestly it makes me think about leaving him."

I'm going to take a stab and say that it's not the weight that's frustrating. I think what is dividing you two as a couple is your partner's retreat behind his walls. I bet if we asked him, he'd say you were nagging and you certainly think he's withdrawing. It's a vicious cycle. I know. We go there as a couple constantly.

Perhaps, if you are frustrated about your partner's weight it's signaling a deeper frustration about his lack of motivation, his lack of desire to be with you or be active with you. Instead of attacking his appearance, why not build him up? Tell him how much you miss spending time with him doing fun activities. Ask him to set up some dates for you two doing the things you used to enjoy together. But you also need to be willing to meet him on his turf. If you are so busy running circles around him, you're not taking time to spend with him just being a couple.

What do you think? Is it normal to want your partner to lose some weight? Would you leave someone if they got too fat?

Relationships are complicated, to say the least. So how do you know what's normal? Send your questions, predicaments and sticky situations to normal@yourtango.com and we'll discuss!

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