Dating Disaster: He Smelled Like Hot Garbage

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garbage dumpsters
He was cute, scruffy and just my type. Unfortunately, that dirty didn't wash off.

"Errr… no. I just really like fresh air." I tilted my head toward the window hoping for some relief.

He blathered on about life and family and asked me about my goals and interests; all the juicy things people talk about when they're on date. But the stink was overwhelming it kept me from thinking about anything he had to say. Instead my internal dialogue took over. Does Josh not bathe? Or wear deodorant? Is he depressed or something? What on earth do his balls smell like? Ew, I can't believe I just thought that.

 

I was offended. When I go on a date, I get gussied up. I put on my heels, shave my legs, carefully curl my hair to create a wavy-I-just-woke-up-looking-like-this look and most importantly shower and wear deodorant. And this guy, who was a freelancer and had all day to get ready, had clearly done no such thing. He had put in zero effort. It was like he just rolled out of the nearest homeless shelter before picking me up. Dating Disaster: I Kissed My Cousin

I decided all I had to do was make it through dinner and then I could go home. After what seemed like the longest dinner of my life, (I had to text my friend in the bathroom for moral support), I feigned sleepiness. Though I tried to take the subway, he insisted on driving me. Finally back at my place, I thought I was safe until he asked if he could come up to use the bathroom.

Damn it! I thought to myself. Now what? I knew this was a ploy to lay one on me and I wanted to say no, but how could I deny someone use of the bathroom? But then again, maybe this is the perfect time to assess for sure whether he smelled or it was just his car. Post-kiss I could rest assured that I was making the right decision.

He came upstairs, took off his coat and after using the restroom came over and kissed me. I almost vomited. Yep, he smelled too. It wasn't just his car. At this point, I was so disgusted I had to kick him out. Don't get me wrong, I'm not so uptight that I can't forgive a little bad breath or the occasional B.O.. But smelling like the inside of a dumpster crosses the line. There was no salvaging this one. I like "dirty" guys, but an actual aversion to bathing is not OK. As soon as he left, I hopped in the shower to wash off the stench.

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