While starting a relationship can be difficult, so is breaking up and divorce. Every relationship that has not been effective and conducive has to end. When people are not happy anymore, or there are certain factors that have arisen, divorce has been the solution for most people. We often hear ourselves saying, “People can be so fast in deciding for a divorce”, but we don’t realize that these people also have gone through difficult times.
Divorce or breaking-up follows some stages for grieving since divorce makes you lose something you previously own. Here are the phases of breaking-up with someone and their corresponding challenges:
The initial reaction of a person when the partner wants a divorce is denial. The person often thinks that this may not be true and continue to believe that the relationship can be fixed. Spouses often are caught still preparing meals for two people, setting up the bed with two pillows and acting like everything’s fine. The problem during this stage is that people tend to push aside hurtful feelings which lead to break down.
Once the fact that the divorce has been realized, the person often develops anger to oneself and the partner. There is pain, numbness, feeling out of control and high anxiety during this stage. The person also usually think what has gone wrong with the relationship and why hasn’t been resolved. The person may also feel fear of being alone. Problems arise when anger is made towards oneself and think that it is your fault. This stage often leaves a person unloved, uncared for and incompetent.
Once anger has settled in, the next phase is a thinking that the relationship has to work again. Often, the person left asks for another chance and that they will do their best as a partner next time. It is important that during the negotiation, couples should explain that the divorce is not the sole fault of one person. This is important not to leave the other person thinking that he had done a big mistake to deserve a separation. In this phase, the person often thinks what could have been the situation if he or she has acted differently during the time of the relationship. But whatever it may be, it will still not change the fact that the relationship is not healthy.
When the person finally realized that it is over, depression my sink in. During this phase, the person comes into intense sadness of being alone. It is important during this stage that support people are available to ease the sadness of the person and help him or her cope with the loss.
The final phase of a separation or divorce is acceptance. After going through thoughts of what ifs and what could have been, the person finally accepts the break-up and learns to start all over again and become a better person.