“You value the things you have to work hard for, not the things that are handed to you,” says a mid-twenty something male friend of mine when discussing if a woman should play hard to get when she first meets a guy. While that may seem to sum up the answer to this ultimate singleton question, it’s a bit more complex than that. A guy may think a girl is really cool, but if she’s too available at first, then he will question it. The opposite is true, too. If a girl plays too hard to get and is unavailable, then he will lose interest.
So, throw out the “dating rules” – you don’t have to wait three days before calling or texting back, but you do need to consider each situation and act accordingly. For instance, don’t be available every time he asks you out, but be sure to offer an alternative day to meet up. Celebrity life coach and relationship pro Melanie Mar chimed in on what women should do when they first meet a guy and how to keep his interest:
1. Understanding men: “I do not advocate any game playing, but there is certainly an element of truth to the theory that men ‘like the chase,’” said Mar. “Nature is that reason, as men are built to compete, conquer and control.” Mar goes onto say that there is a big difference between women playing hard to get and men enjoying the thrill of the chase. That said, there does come a point when the chase has to stop. It’s important to keep it fun and light in the beginning, but if after a while it starts to seem that the relationship’s not going anywhere, then you might want to move on.
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2. If we’re not into playing the game, but men like the chase – what do we do?: “Well, you let him chase you,” says Mar. “But if you don’t show a man some acknowledgement, he will move onto someone who does. Always respect and respond to his efforts, but remember easy is not interesting to a man. He wants to pursue you as it is in his innate, natural design. Remember the sperm chases the egg!”
3. Dropping the hanky: To subtly let a man know that you are interested in him, hold his gaze for a few seconds and smile. It’s not easy for men to approach women, so give him an opening signal to put him at ease and prompt him to come to you. Be engaging by playing ping pong with the opening.