Reason #5: It feels inappropriate. Out of all the answers the men gave, this one was the most disturbing because of what it implied about the nature of Christian churches. "The assumption is that we have to ignore the fact that we're men and women," says Mark, age 35. "It's not appropriate in a Christian environment for us to be human."
It's not appropriate for us to be human? Isn't that how God designed us, after all—as human beings with hopes and desires?
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As saddened as I was by hearing that, I looked at the other men's faces and they all nodded their heads. The mere idea of flirting with someone, or of asking a girl for her number within the confines of the church walls was too "shady" of a prospect for them to even consider. "It feels like you're contaminating the sanctuary," Luke said. "And it's all a bunch of narrow-minded, judgmental B.S., but that's just the way it is." How To Deal With An Inappropriate Crush
"So, you don't pursue women out of guilt?" I asked.
"It's not guilt," Mark answered, "it's fear. There's the fear of not only being rejected as a man, but shunned as an inappropriate Christian."
Again, I was saddened by this statement, and reminded that although I love the Christian church, it has a few important things to work on. Perhaps, the narrow-minded, judgmental B.S. would be a good place to start? Combating Fear in Your Relationship
In spite of all the negative drawbacks to dating in church, both John from Los Angeles, and Alex from New York, admitted that they don't want to rule out the possibility entirely. Alex even said that he prefers dating girls at church because he gets to observe them in a community context. He states, "I see how they treat their friends, how they react to certain situations, and what their confidence level is in Jesus."
The Question of Who Pursues Whom
I then asked the guys whether or not they liked it when women pursued them. A few were open to the idea, but most agreed that they liked it best when they were the pursuers. Are Your "The Distancer" Or "The Pursuer" In Your Relationship?
"Being pursued by a woman is something that sounds good, in theory," says Matthew, "but when it actually happened, I found that I really wasn't into it. It just felt weird."
Mark agreed. "When a woman pursues me, I find that the rhythm of our relationship is off."
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All the men emphatically agreed that the best thing for a woman to do is communicate her interest in a guy, and then give him room to pursue her. Just don't assume he'll be doing this at church, ladies! Should You Chase Down A Past Love?