I’ll start with a warning: Do NOT confront a cheater without a good plan. If you don’t follow some critical rules, most chances he will either angrily run out of the house (allowing him to get his story straight), or stay and turn the focus to you (by attacking you for snooping on him, or blaming you for your problems etc). This guide will show you the right way to confront cheating and getting the truth out of him – Today.
Rule #1 – Prepare Yourself for Complete Denial
Before you learn how to confront a cheater, prepare yourself to this: The majority of cheating spouses will deny-deny-deny infidelity until they are blue in the face. Some cheaters will deny an affair even if you present them with hard evidence.
He will deny because even if you thought he was your best friend, the one person that would never lie to you this way, the fact is that you will probably catch him unprepared. He doesn’t have his story straight yet, he hasn’t decided whether he wants to admit cheating, how to tell you about it, how much to reveal and in case of a long term affair – Admitting usually means he will have to end the affair, which is also something he may have not decided about yet.
Rule #2 – Do Not Confront a Cheater before You have Evidence
I can’t stress this enough. If you don’t have physical evidence, such as nude pictures, emails describing his passion and love for her, a receipt for jewelry or a motel – Do NOT confront him.
If you don’t have proof you will only give him a warning to be more careful from now on and he will start to hide the affair much better, which means you may never find proof. Second, if you don’t have proof - You might be wrong. He could be faithful to you, and if you wrongly accuse him you could destroy your relationship.
Rule #3 – Keep Calm and Collected
I know it is the HARDEST thing to do in this situation. You are upset, hurt beyond belief, your whole life is crumbling under your feet – But you have to confront him when you are calm and collected. Focus on the facts and don’t let your emotions control you. If you attack him and scream at him he will probably use it to storm out of the house saying he can’t talk to you and use this time to get his story straight. Be prepared with your proof and don’t let him turn the focus to your snooping. You can say, “Yes, I admit it was wrong to snoop on you, but the FACT is that I had a good reason to do that – Here’s the evidence.”
Rule #4 – Don’t Let Him Turn the Tables on You
He will probably try to blame the whole thing on you. It’s much easier than providing an explanation to his behavior. He will instinctively call you crazy, stupid, insecure, childish and a psycho. Don’t let him do that. You can say – “O.k., I am stupid and childish. Who is she and how long have you been cheating on me?”