The point of writing this specific anecdote was more of a private journal entry of thoughts to share that usually I would keep to myself. I wanted those who are walking the same dirt road of unknown future that I am to know that yes, Happy is the preferrable chosen state of mind that 9 times out of 10 I keep, but, I'm not afraid to allow and show the emptiness that resides deep down where Love has come and gone as well. Isn't that similar connection a necessary bond to assure us that no matter what we're all in this together? I adore couples in my midst who have definite adoration for one another, and I will silently envy their bond in the same breath. I will spend my own money to see a movie or show I planned far ahead for and lavish in the fun and excitement it brings, and yet I will catch myself looking at the empty seat or placing beside me fantasizing how much greater it would be if I had that special hand near to hold and share all of that passion with.
But for now I am embarking like many others in identical shoes, on a journey greater than the single status I carry, building a foundation that will solidify and be a strong base of beginning for the relationship that waits me down the line. Guys continue to rise to the occasion with overbearing sexual advances that leave me annoyed and pushing more and more interested parties away. I want nothing to do with being just another notch on a bedpost. I relied too long on using my sensuality as a gateway into companionship, and it has done nothing but brought me trouble and heartache. I catch myself from time to time easing back into that fly trap maneuver and quickly regress. I'm more than the face and body that I posess, I'm an entirely unique, unconditionally loving woman with a heart great enough to carry the weight of the world, and it's all right here and waiting for the right man to come and embrace it, when the right time is upon us. Yesterday I spared a small amount of time to wallow what is gone in my past, today I am fresh and anew with vigor, and tomorrow could bring a spell of either or both. Regardless of where my thoughts and feet take me, I'm going to trek it all with welcoming arms and a smile bright enough to be seen beaming across a crowded room because every day is worth lavishing in, whether I am taken or not.