Is This Normal? I Don't Tell People I'm Transsexual

While it's hard to put a number on the prevalence of transsexuality in America, one thing is clear, transsexuals have been around since early history. From the Greek godess Venus Castina who sympathised females locked in male bodies, to Chaz Bono's much publicized transition from woman to man. Transsexuality is an integral part of human sexuality. Chaz Bono Speaks Out On Sex Change

But I think it's important to note that the while transsexuality might be prevalent, when it comes to living as a transsexual in a largely heterosexual world, things can get a bit tricky. Recently, ThePerfectGirl asked whether a post-op transsexual should come clean about their past. She wrote:

"My freind sic is in this predicament and I just wanted to know what the best course of action for her is. Im worried that if she lies and he ever found out she could seriously get hurt. She is very pretty and is really ashamed for how she was born. She thinks that by telling a guy the truth she will wind up all alone. She also says that she has a REAL hard time talking about it. Should I tell her not to lie? Or should I let her lie and live a normal life? Truthfully I think it might be cruel for me to force her to humiliate her in front of guys like that, but Im worried and I dont kno sic what to do." 

This isn't the first time we've had this question on the site. YourTango reader Monica Freeman raised the topic when she asked if people considered a post-op transsexual a woman:

"With Transgender woman all over the world, and some of them looking better then REAL genetic women, How do YOU view them? Sex changes have been around for almost a century and getting very sophisticated. And men, regardless if they confess it or not are attracted to the ENIGMA of boys that became women! Some of the USA's most beautifull TS are Mimi Marks, Erika Norell, Erica Andrews, & Yoshiko Oshiro Lets have YOUR opinion on this subject, afterall these ladies aint going Nowhere soon, and are here to STAY. And as a MAN would YOU consider dating a post-op transsexual? Lets hear it here!"

Both raise good questions about dating a transsexual, and I'd love to hear your opinions (although any comments using offensive language will be deleted). Ultimately, I think honestly is always the best policy. Hiding your past is hiding who you are, the whole you and that's not fair to yourself or anyone.  While the desire to lie is understandable given the reactions people can have to transsexuality, the truth is no good relationship was ever built on a lie. In response to a similar question on Dan Savage's Savage Love column, Kate Bornstein, a transsexual and author of My Gender Workbook: How to Become a Real Man, a Real Woman, the Real You, or Something Else Entirely, advised: