There is plenty of advice for leaving the wrong one. How should you handle leaving a good one?
There is plenty of advice for leaving the ones with the insatiable appetite for infidelity, the ones who bitch and make their partners miserable, or the ones who love no one the way they love themselves. But there are times when relationships end, even though both partners are actually great people because they no longer fit together.
Since Valentine’s Day was dubbed “Breakup Day” by various sites, who put an enormous effort into helping women do so, then I guess it only makes sense that February 15th is the highest ranked day for cheating according to AshleyMadison.com, a multi-million dollar site devoted to helping people creep on their partners.
Though I believe in sticking it out in relationships, there are times when it’s just best to move out and move on. Before you dive back into single life again, think about the following:
Step 1: Evaluate the situation. After you’ve slept on it, mauled on it, ate a pint of Breyer’s Ice Cream over it, killed too many enemies to remember on Battlefield 3, consider whether the relationship is worth saving. I don’t mean asking your frenemy, who has probably been secretly crushing on your great guy/gal. Of course they would want your relationship to end. Nor do I mean you should confide in the man-hater, or the wanna-be playa. But talking about your concerns with a trusted friend or loved one may help.
Sometimes, all it takes is a mini vacation away with the guys, a girls weekend, or a solo soul searching trip to paradise. If a vacation isn’t in your budget, then take a walk, or get into your car, turn up the music, and just drive. Sometimes, you + alone time = a happier person. Besides, stress and other factors can greatly impact the decision to leave, even when it relates to issues that can be fixed, such as communication, sexual dissatisfaction, boredom, etc. If after you’ve tried these things and you still deem the relationship over, then start the process of starting over and moving on.
Step 2: Get your affairs in order. Now that you’ve decided that it’s definitely time to move on, it’s time to exhaust your efforts elsewhere. Believe it or not, the process of moving on should always include an in depth look into the dirty world of credit and money.
That means, get your finances in order. If you have debt, pay it down or pay it off because starting over emotionally is hard enough. If you don’t have a credit card, get one. Why? Does this refute what I mentioned about paying off debt? No. A credit card should be obtained in case of the emergencies looming as a newly single person in the near future.
Because you will be down to your income alone, make sure you research future residences to ensure that you can lead the comfortable lifestyle you’re accustomed to. You were single and making it on your own before. Now, alleviating your debt before leaving can ensure you do that again.
Step 3: Save! Save! Save! You may be used to going out with friends every weekend, dining out almost every night, buying new shoes, or buying a new video game on a whim, but here is where change has to happen. In case you don’t get a credit card for emergencies, or like most of us, don’t have the luxury of living off of your parents, cut back! Go on a spending diet and force yourself to put money away. You’ll be glad you did when you can afford to have more than a Ramen Noodle or PB & J sandwich diet. Besides, moving expenses are astronomical.
Step 4: Stay put, if you can bear it. Again, assuming that you’re with a good partner, your relationship should be a safe one to stay in. If not, see if you can help out financially by crashing with family and friends. If you can hang in there and save for at least a month, you can ensure that you start off with both feet firmly planted. Besides, the longer you stay before leaping, the more financially fit you become. In the meantime, it gives you more time for reflection to evaluate what worked and didn’t work in this relationship. All tools you will need for the future.
Step 5: Talk to your partner. Now that you’ve had time to make a dent in your bank account, it’s time for the talk. Be honest and tell your partner where you stand. If your partner insists on knowing the reason for the breakup, simply mention, “you’re a great person, but this relationship just isn’t working.” Or, “we’ve both grown and changed into different people.” Or, “we’re just not on the same path anymore.” Whatever you do, keep it civil. This also gives your partner the heads up so that they can start saving and preparing for their new lifestyle change as well.
Step 6: Be civil when leaving. Since breakups, life changes even, rarely happen we are able to handle them, or when the lease to your place is up, decide how you will handle this together. Remember, you both signed a lease with a landlord who could care less about your relationship woes. One of you, if not both of you, are responsible for the bill. In some cases, a landlord may let you out of your lease. In that case, be prepared to shell out a huge fee associated with this.
Although it may be tempting to stiff your partner with the bills, don’t. If you had any revolving accounts together, such as a joint credit card, a home, or a vehicle decide who will keep what, who will pay for this and that, and so on. Of course, this includes helping your partner pay the final rent and utilities. Just as in any other situation you would be expected to pay any final utilities, rent and so forth at your last place of residence before moving, do the same in this scenario. Split the bills the same way you did previously, one last time, or according to whatever agreement the two of you come up with.
Besides, failure to do so could leave unfavorable marks on your credit, which could impact your ability to rent or buy in the future. Just because the relationship doesn’t work doesn’t mean you should wreck any chances of salvaging a friendship in the future with your new ex. Besides, there should be no real hard feelings, just disappointment that a good one, turned out not to be the right one.
Have you ever been with a great person, but things just didn't work out? I'd love to hear from you on this subject.
***N. Meridian is an editor and freelance writer of many subjects.***