Have you ever been tempted to spy on your significant other? Most of us have been a little "nosy" at times, but it usually never turns into an obsession as it does with my girlfriend, "G."
Since her divorce, G has had a difficult time finding "Mr. Right." I think she's afraid every man is going to cheat on her as did her ex-husband. She was totally blindsided by his affair with a much younger, very attractive woman. And to make it worse, he's now engaged to the woman. The humiliation of it all really took a toll on G's self-esteem. She faults herself for not recognizing the signs of a cheater and vows to never be made a fool of again.
In an attempt to even the score with her ex-husband, G only dates younger, very good-looking men. Sex plays a big role in her relationships and G uses it as a measure of a man's devotion toward her. She believes her marriage failed because she never made sex a priority. She allowed the responsibilities of everyday life to consume her and was often too tired or too busy for sex. She doesn't want to make the same mistake, so she's now making it a top priority. Of course, all the men she dates are quite happy with her new way of thinking.
I, however, see a troubling pattern emerging. G wants a committed relationship, but the men she has dated since her divorce only want a "no strings attached" sexual relationship with her. Her current boyfriend is no exception. During the fourth month of their relationship, he told her he wanted some "space." He said he needed a little more alone time. That was all it took to turn G into an undercover spy. Her trip to crazy land had begun. I've seen her travel down this road before and I knew it was going to get ugly. It always begins the same way--she cries for a couple of days and then the tears turn into angry suspicion. She spends hours agonizing over the possible reasons her boyfriend is distancing himself from her. After being cheated on in her marriage, she feels compelled to figure it out. Her conclusion is always the same--he must be interested in someone else. The thought of losing him to another woman is painful so she launches her plan to discover if her suspicions are correct. Her tactics include: