I strongly believe that while we may not be able to choose when, how, and who we fall in love with, it is always a choice to be single. People may rant and grumble that they hate being alone and that all of the good ones are taken, but that just isn't true. When we are truly ready and open for Love, it happens. When we cry over not having a special someone, we are choosing to be seen as unhappy and unnapproachable, which is making the unconscious choice to be single. I'm online dating at the present time, and have had an assembly of interested guys, some of which I have as well, but I'm still keeping at a comfortable pace and not tying myself to anyone just yet. Not because I've morphed into my own selfishly independent ways and refuse the chance of finding a compatible mate, I just want the next man I allow into my world to be solid, grounded, and as happy in his own skin as Single just as I have become. We learn the most about ourselves and the people around us when we are navigating the world alone. When we are paired, everything is casted under the viewpoint of 'we think this', 'we enjoyed this', and it's a slippery slope into dimishing the existence of our 'I'. It's not to say that couples can't have their independence too, it's just a different dynamic. They can spend time alone to do what they enjoy, but when married, engaged, or in a relationship, they have that security of coming home to a 'We' as us Singles don't. We pummel through regardless and adapt to not having that safety net to fall back on when the times get rough, or when we hit those inevitable days of lonely solitude. But you know what, you are never really alone. Everyone has family, friends, confidants, there are outlets all around us for connection. No one is ever really suffering alone, you either choose to be happy or you don't. Yes, it is always that simple.
So I sat down yesterday and gave thought as to why I have chosen to be Single, even though I could very well be with someone now if I desperately craved it enough. These are the reasons I came up with;
1) Career and Family Focus. As the cusp of turning 30 inches its way closer, I find myself deeply enriched into my work and being a mother. I've been a caregiver for four and half years, and writing since I was 15. I enjoy caring for those who depend on my strength to make their golden years blissful and cozy, and I relish in how crafty I've become with my relationship advice work. My articles are getting more and more publication and recognition all the time, so while the ladder to my successful goals of being a freelance writer, an advice columnist, and writing a book may be a longer journey than most would care to hang in for, I am because I see a winning end point for myself in the future. I am confident in my ability to obtain the life that I want and am more than willing to work hard to get there.