Are Strip Clubs Really A Relationship Threat?

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Are Strip Clubs Really A Relationship Threat?
Strip clubs aren't the scary places you imagine.
  • They never get completely naked.  They will parade around in speedos, boxers, and costumes resembling heroic professions like fireman and police officers, you may even get a view of someones' rear end before the end of the night, but no anaconda surprise, EVER.
  • They work solo AND as a pack.  Male strippers actually concoct dance routines as if they are on a naughty version of So You Think You Can Dance, except the talent is gravely lacking.  Hey, it's about muscles, not two steppin' right?
  • They love the use of water.  To tack focus onto their bodies, the men will shower themselves in H2O whenever necessary to glisten in the club lighting.  Maybe it reminds them of showering at home, only with the added perk of an audience of ravenous, sexually starved women cheering them on for being so dirty.
  • They love Bride To Be's.  There's a reason why strip clubs/shows are so commonly tied to bachelor/bachelorette parties.  Male dancers of the stripping sort love using a womans' 'last night of freedom' as a catapult to beating her heart like a pinata by dragging her onto stage and allow her to feel up what she will soon be missing out on forever once she says I do. 
  • They run around like toddlers and highly encourage groping.  You heard me right, these guys embrace the oncoming of you copping a feel if they end up anywhere within your personal bubble space and will shoot you a seductive smirk and enthusiastic holler in the process.  Fit men of these sorts want you to grab what they've got; what men don't want women frantic and seemingly desperate to ravage them, hmm?

Rules & Suggestions:

  • Make sure you get prime seating.  The guys may frolic around the room, but any ladies in the back will hardly get anything close to an experience the women up front and center do.
  • If you're worried about a possible makeup meltdown in resemblance of a Picasso painting or are just plain not interested in getting wet, hang in the back of the room or stay home.  Women want to be pretty, men like to get messy.  Stripping is no exception to the rule.
  • If you want the attention and prime favor of the fellas, come bearing a veil even if you aren't getting married.  I learned this lesson by watching multiple women get dragged up on stage for personal dances, solely because they had a ring on their finger.  Hey, I paid money too!  If you truly want to get your benjamins worth, play the role of a bride to be for an evening and make up a fictional fiance with a story of romantic proposal and wedding date just in case you are questioned in front of everyone for specifics.  What harm is there in going that extra mile and letting out your innner bad girl every now and then right?

The Female Team

Observations:

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