This is a blog post by a member of the YourTango community and does not represent the opinions of YourTango.com or its employees.
Once upon a time, a beautiful girl named Marissa met a wonderful beefcake named Michael. After hours of walking through a park and engaging in long romantic talks, they fell deeply in love. And they lived happily ever after. NOT! After six months, Michael moved into her apartment. Exactly one year after that he dumped her, for another woman. Marissa was devastated. How could he do this?
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Marissa decided to throw herself back into the dating world, out of spite. Within weeks she met a sweet man named Pete. She knew Pete was a “rebound” yet she still allowed herself to encounter feelings of love toward this man. Her friends knew the feelings were residual emotions from Michael, but Marissa insisted they were real. And four months into this new relationship, Pete dumped her too, for being too clingy and insecure. Weeks later, Marissa had stopped crying, was able to regroup, and move on. (Or so we thought). Instead Marissa swore off men, and became a “man-basher”. You know, that woman who hates men, calls them every name in the book, and can do nothing but find fault in all her friend’s boyfriends and husbands. She became a bitter, judgmental woman, and soon, no one wanted to ask her out, never the less even talk to her.
In reality, I am sure you can see the scenario. It is pretty common, but not all women hate men after being dumped. When women hate men, it is often because of being previously abused by men, because they were dumped by a man, or because they have been cheated on. Some woman may even despise men because there is a lack of men in their life.
What ever the reason is, if you have become a verbal “hater”, while you bash and bad mouth your ex, you are setting yourself up for failure. You are allowing yourself to demoralize another human being, aloud, instead of respecting yourself enough to hold your head up high, keep the focus on yourself, and walk in dignity. You have become the stoic, victim, whom even your girlfriends are going to feel extremely uncomfortable around.
Break ups are hard enough to handle. Being able to Bounce Back takes time, inner strength, and a support group. No matter how long the relationship lasted, or how intense the chemistry was, a break up can cause disruption in our lives. How we react to our situation, is what counts. Here are a few tips to avoid the “man bashing” role, and salvage your self respect:
1) Try not to speak any negative comments about your ex,
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This will just make your situation worse. Saying very little is best at this point. Worry about your own health and well being. Leave history behind you while you work on your own future. Embrace the break up, and focus on a new life you are about to create for yourself.
2) Do not call your ex’s family and friends.