Returning To Reality After Heartache


Returning To Reality After Heartache
After a Breakup, Healing Outside of Work Is Hard, Getting Back to Work Can Be Harder

When a marriage or a relationship ends, it can be a very difficult time in our lives. Whatever the reason for the split, the breakup of any relationship can turn your whole world into complete disorder. It may cause painful and traumatic feelings. There are things you can do to get through this difficult time. Finding a support team is most important and coming up with a serious game plan to resume your life is second. As difficult as it may be, you will eventually have to go back to work. The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

For most people who are trying to deal with a loss or a break up, returning to work can be grueling. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. The fear of having to re tell your story to each person that comes up to you with the tearful eyes and says, “I’m sorry” is real. You may also fear an emotional breakdown in front of your co workers. Remember, you are human, and all humans have feelings. But before you actually go back to work, here are a few ideas that may help with the transmission: Come up with a game plan:


A) Recap a usual work day for yourself, and find trigger points that may need to be tweaked. Lets say every one goes to the cafeteria at 10:15 for coffee, and you know you are going to be bombarded with questions, then don’t go. Take a walk. Work on extra projects, keep busy. Pay attention to your emotions and what you need at any given moment. Muster the courage to speak up for yourself and your needs. Respect what you believe to be right and best for you, and make those beliefs part of your game plan.

B) If you are out of work for a length of time, see if you can return to work for a few half-days to make the transition easier. If not, stop in for lunch the day before you are due back to work, to get those words of sympathy from coworkers out of the way. If you have an emotional meltdown in the bathroom after hearing “how are you” ten times in 5 minutes, it is OK to cry. But remember you are at work, so take a 5 minute time out, and than pull yourself together. Think positive, happy thoughts and return to your work station to keep yourself focused. You can allow yourself to cry as soon as the work day ends. Healing takes time, so be patient with yourself.

C) Stick to a routine. A break up or a divorce can cause chaos in many areas of your life, intensifying stress in many ways. Getting back to a regular routine can give you sense of structure and comfort. If you don’t have a routine, than make one. Make it a point to add something comforting for you every day. Remember to allow yourself a crying period in the evenings only. The mornings may trigger unwanted, extra sadness, and you may not make it to work. If you get a piece of paper and write down an hour by hour schedule from wake up, though the work day, until bedtime, may help. Seeing the strict structure in a concrete form, may make it easier to stick to a plan. Always have a few phone numbers of good friends on that paper. It can never hurt to call a friend for 5 minutes on a coffee break for support. You may even need to add that to your strict schedule, until you are ready to face the work day alone.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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