People just don’t seem to know what to say to you. They are so completely ignorant to your feelings that you just want to throttle them. You suffer the worse case scenario of losing a pregnancy and people tell you “Don’t worry it is part of Gods plan”…..really?!?! God is just teaching me a lesson? This is God’s way to help me out?….really. Many of us have had the friend that tells you, when they know of your struggle, “well at least you get to have the fun of trying to have kids and having lots of sex”. They do not realize that for some people sex becomes part of “the process” and is sometimes scheduled and over thought. It can be hard to enjoy sex when you are thinking “okay baby hit the target”. Oh by way, the target I am referring to is not the traditional love-making target most people shoot to please but rather the egg buried deep inside a woman. That is a much tougher shot. Your friends that are fully aware of your pain are more than happy to constantly tell you how well their pregnancy is going or how much fun the kids they have are to be with. You get sensitive to the most random statement. You begin to think that people are saying things in your presence to be spiteful. You begin to avoid people you have known and loved for years so you don’t have to hear it. You resent them and maybe even yourself for feeling the way you feel. This too is a cycle.
These are three common feelings women have during “the process”. You notice I wrote “common” which is far removed from “unusual”. Your bad luck in your ability to have a child is not unusual because millions of women go through this. If you have felt any or all the above you are not a horrible person and you are not unusual because many people have these feelings. It is human nature to feel these things. When you realize you are not alone it can be easier to get support. The hardest part can be talking about your fears. Go to a support page like Attain Fertility, CNY Fertility, Resolve, 999 Reasons To Laugh at Infertility and read the news feed. You will find that the community is full of people like you. You are not unusual, you are not alone. Go to WordPress and search for blogs on the subject of infertility and you will find out that you are not the first to feel the things that make you doubt yourself. Once you know you are not alone it can sometimes be easier to move on because you will also see that others may have walked your path. You will also hear about success and that it can be attained. You are amazing because you are willing to put yourself through hell to be a parent. If you do not have a child you are still amazing and no less a person. No matter the final results of your journey never give up on yourself or your partner because the love you have for each other is all that matters whether you have a child or not.
This and blogs similar to it can be found at my personal infertility blog Sunshine Dreams and Hopes.
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