You have discovered that you have a fertility issue and suddenly you may feel you are on a desert island and no one can get to you or has ever even heard of the island you now live on. What to do? You could collapse in your own fears and blame yourself or God or the flat Mountain Dew you drank 11 years ago and have since discovered that some random study in Switzerland says flat Mountain Dews cause infertility in mice. You have a tough road ahead of you if you pursue fertility treatments but nothing is impossible and you may be stronger than you know.
Most everything in life has cycles. The seasons, death, and love all have common steps that people feel or go through when they experience them. When the Summer ends you can rest assured cooler weather and Fall are coming and then Winter and finally Summer again. When faced with fertility issues and the thought of not having children you will possibly go through certain common cycles. You may not feel so good emotionally but you are not as unusual as you think you are. There are millions of people who face down fertility issues. Do you want to know the dirty little secret? A great many people beat the monster of fertility concerns. Let’s see how “unusual” you may not be.
It seems that everyone around you is getting pregnant, including the dog that you had fixed ten years earlier. You are angry with these people. It just makes no sense that everyone is pregnant at a time when you are at your infertile low. For us it not only seemed that everyone was getting pregnant but the wrong people were getting pregnant. We became horribly judgemental. We were quick to point out to each other if we felt they could not afford a new child, or they were too young to be parents, or if they were even fit to be parents, or we would comment that they already have three why do they need four. Who are we to judge, right? Eventually anger could be admitted to actually be jealousy of these pregnant couples good fortune. After you concede to jealousy sometimes depression follows…..like I said early things happen in a cycle.
You have tried to become a mother for a while. First you tried the good old-fashioned way to get pregnant and after a while you realized that something is not quite right. You finally pick up the nerve to go to a doctor and discover that there is a fertility issue. After long discussions with your spouse you decide to start fertility treatments. You now get on the infertility rollercoaster known to us as “the process”. You go to doctor appointment after doctor appointment, get gallons of blood drawn, try to figure out what the doctor is thinking while examining you, have speculum after speculum inserted in you, maybe do a couple IUI or IVF cycles, and then you hit that wall. The wall you plowed into is fear and doubt that your endeavors will never be fruitful. You find yourself sitting in the living room thinking you would understand if your spouse left you to have a child with another. You don’t feel complete and you think you are a let down to your spouse. This is yet another cycle.