Using a releasing ritual for this couple to find love again

By

I wanted to share a story with you about the power of rituals. I love rituals myself; I once did my own personal ritual of "calling forth a husband" and within two weeks I met the love of my life. He's still here ten years later. So I am a living testimonial that rituals can work.

As a clinical sexologist and a holistic sex coach, I believe that using the five elements of sexuality (and relationships) can direct the work with clients. My model for assessing where a client is "stuck" and how to move them toward their ultimate sexual/relationship goals is known as  MEBES: Mind, Emotions, Body/Body image and Behaviors, Energy and Spirit. Often by focusing in on the spirit or energetic aspects of our work together,  miracles do happen.

Here is one example:

We'll call them Fred and Laura. They were in a 10-year marriage with 2 school-aged children and came to me with a desparate story. They had been fighting all the time. They felt stress about working too much, stress over his not earning money, stress over her being the sole provider, and complained about the absence of anything reminiscent of sexual contact in their lifestyle. They even stopped sensually or affectionately touching each other. Sex really had fallen off their radar screen. By the time they came to me for help, things were pretty bad and constant conflict was the rule of the day.

I suggested that perhaps we begin with the usual history-taking most competent sexologists or sex therapists would do, along with getting a clear picture of what were the interpersonal and individual blockages for this relationship. The list included the usual suspects, but we focused on their unresolved anger, resentments, poor sexual communication, lack of desire, and avoiding touch. Their uneven styles for sexually staying aroused also were contributing factors. And, like many of my couple clients, they were workaholics! Even though he wasn't employed and she was the source of high income, he was always busy at some project. She traveled a lot and he was always on the phone, at a computer or at another meeting.  The kids were on auto-pilot, too.

You get the drift: They were zooming around, taking care of what needed to be done, but never spending time on just "BEING" a couple.

So, it appeared that until they were able to clear some of the obstacles with me, nothing would change. Boy, was that the truth. It took a 3-hour ritual on a mountaintop in a sacred ceremony that I created and led for them, to help them to let go of the stuck past.

They used one of my favorite techniques, the Balloon Releasing Ritual. Here is how it is done: Write down on post-it's what you want to let go of in your life (sexlessness, fear, anger, negative body image, lack of forgiving each other, avoiding affectionate touch, workaholism....) and put these little notes, one at a time, into the mouth of a balloon (I bring all the materials); blow into it, tie it at the ends and then....whoosh, release it into the air while stating the obvious. It went something like this: "I, Fred, now release our sexless marriage..." Or "I, Laura, now release workaholism..." And after sending off a battalion of about seven, shiny, beautifully colored balloons each, and incanting positive statements about what they wanted instead, they sat on the sandy knoll and wept. Together. Holding each other tight. We all held hands as we marched our way down the winding sandy trail to the parking lot. I gave them instructions for what to do next. But that's another story.

They told me, a week later, that life had changed for them that day. They let go of that wall; they felt lightness and hope. They made love that night for over an hour and wrote me a personal thank you note that said, "Thanks, Dr. Patti, for being an angel, and helping us let go of our baggage! We love each other so much. We couldn't have done it without you. Love, Fred and Laura."

Sometimes I smile when I read notes like this, knowing that it is the power of rituals that helped this couple to heal.

Love, Dr. Patti

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Patti Britton

Author

I always say, "Our sexuality is our divine birthright....Celebrate your sexual self!!" Let me help you do just that! Love, Dr. Patti

Location: Beverly Hills location, CA
Credentials: PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Patti Britton:

Why Men Cheat

By

If your partner cheats on you, get to the root of the problem before you pack your bags and book a flight to Somewhere, USA. It’s not always D-day (divorce), but it could be a serious wake-up call to do something about it. Inspired by preparing for “The Other Half” show, here are ten reasons why men cheat and what it means for his ... Read more

How To Communicate Through Touch

By

As a sex coach, I often find that couples get in trouble and conflict about touch when they are not clear on the type of touch that they want to give or receive. Here is one way to view the five levels of touch, using the Touch Continuum, excerpted from my book, The Complete Idiot's Guide To Sensual Massage, authored by Britton and Hodgson. The ... Read more

Sensually Caressing Your Partner Can Bring You Closer Together

By

Do you feel disconnected from your partner? Not sure how to get your sex life back on track? Maybe you've hit a wall about how new couples find the sensual pathway for intimacy and foreplay for awe-inspiring sex. Ready to bring intimacy back to your relationship? This is a powerful activity designed to build trust and intimacy, let you focus on the act ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources
Most Popular