It's important to talk to your spouse about your kids. But not only about your kids.
If Baby Beyonce had made its existence known anywhere less flashy than the Video Music Awards, I would’ve been surprised. And a little disappointed. Yet there’s been some scoffing that Lady B’s use of the VMAs to make her announcement was, essentially, a hijacking of the awards show. (Haters.)
Similarly, Rachel Zoe's baby had a starring role in the season four premiere of her show, The Rachel Zoe Project, which debuted earlier this week. The young man in utero, while sure to be the most fashionable of the playground elite, has little to do with styling, but everything to do with our favorite fashionista. Rachel Zoe Is A Mother!
That these babies have catapulted to center stage of their mothers’ lives isn’t unusual. Once a woman gets pregnant, her world revolves around the little person she hasn’t even met yet. Naturally, her conversations will, too. The only difference between Beyonce and the everywoman is that when the coworker in the cube across from you starts bragging about how cute her fetus looks in her ultrasound pictures, her audience is limited to you and the guy restocking the vending machines, not the entire TV-viewing universe.
I’m totally guilty of overdoing the kid-centric conversations. When I was pregnant with each of my three children, I completely forgot that not everyone wants to discuss nursery décor. Now that my kids are all here, I dare you to escape a conversation without hearing at least one anecdote about their latest adorable escapade. (In my defense, they’re usually pretty funny, like tonight when I had to try to explain to my toddler that we only color on paper…not on the infant’s head. He wasn't convinced.)
Luckily, most of my friends are also moms and if we’re spending time together it’s probably during a playdate, so the kid talk isn't too obnoxious.
But I’ve noticed that if my husband and I aren’t careful, the kids hijack our conversations, too. We talk about their schedules. (Insane.) We talk about things they did that day. (Hilarious. Or frustrating. Usually both.) We talk about dreams for their futures. (Please let them marry non-felons. And then live with the non-felons somewhere other than our basement.) And then usually we’re too tired to do much other than watch a re-run of The Rachel Zoe Project. I mean Mad Men. (Sorry, babe.) 5 Ways To Strengthen Your Marriage After Baby
And this? Not so good in the foreplay department.
Kids are, absolutely, the twinkly stars that light up our universe right now. Still, it's vital we remember that our marriage is the sun around which the whole system revolves. To that end, sometimes we have to deliberately discuss something other than kids. Something (else) that interests us. Something that makes us laugh. Something that reminds us that somewhere beneath the spit-up stains and our puffed-out-with-pride exteriors lie the two crazy kids who fell in love a long time ago…deeply enough that we wanted to start a family together.
And when we get back to that place, it's good for everyone.