Going through a tough break-up? Know someone who is? Read this.
I’ve been there. I know the feeling. You just can’t believe it’s possible that anyone else has gone through what you’re currently dealing with. You and your situation are so indescribably unique that it would be impossible for someone to see things from your eyes.
“You don’t understand, I’ve never felt this way with anyone before. There was such an amazing spark, and so much chemistry, he just has to be the one, why can’t he see that?”
“We’ve been best friends forever (BFF’s) and I couldn’t ever see losing him. I’ll never know someone as well as I know him. You don’t get it.”
“But he keeps telling me that he loves me and that we’re meant to be together, he just needs his space right now.”
“It was so hard because we were in a long distance relationship. It would be so much better if we could just be near each other. You could never understand the pressures we went through.”
Well guess what? I do understand. When many people get into a relationship (especially an intense one) the rest of the world starts to blur out. Rationalization goes out the window, and you start to believe that no one can see what you see. But in all reality, you and I aren’t so different. You just can’t see that because you have blinders on, kind of like a prize racehorse. Until you allow someone to remove those peripheral vision blockers, you’ll only be able to look in one direction, the finish line. People in relationships can never take a step back to see the reality of the situation. They will hold onto something that is so wrong, for so long, because they believe they had something different, something unique.
Yes, your relationship might be complicated, sure you might be best friends, and it’s very possible that you are still madly in love with this person who just stomped on your heart, but sometimes we all need to take that step back and realize just how elementary our situation was in the grand scheme of things. There are 7 billion people in this world and chances are you’ve been dating for less than half of your life. And I would like to hedge a bet that you haven’t been to enough places, had enough experiences or been on enough dates for me to consider you in a place to say there’s only one person out there for you (and they just broke up with you).
If at first you fall off, get back up and try it again? Well that saying doesn’t work in relationships. If something didn’t work, don’t go back to it to fail a second time. If what you have is constantly making you upset, get out and go find something that will make you happy. Your dream guy could be at the coffee shop at the corner right now, but you’re sitting in your room stalking your ex on facebook to see if he’s posted any photos of him and other girls. There are other things out there, other people and other relationships.
I don’t care how unique you think your relationship is. Who cares if you have a cat together, or a house? Who cares if you get along with his mom so well? Who cares that you both love Indian food? It’s all just stuff. It can be erased if you open your mind to it, and you can find something better. Like a boy who likes Thai food! Or one that doesn’t hit you… It takes courage to leave, to turn your back and to put your past behind you. But it will be worth it in the end, I promise, because once you are really happy, you’ll be able to laugh at how uncomplicated your situation really was.
If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for your friends. I know friends are supposed to be this die hard support group, but there's a breaking point for everyone. Chances are they're tired of discussing the same issues over and over and you’re not doing anything about it… You know what’s worse than getting broken up with by someone who supposedly loved you? Losing your friends too because you repeatedly asked for their advice and never took it. A friend can only take so much before they start to get really annoyed with your lack of action or improvement. If you happen to be one of these people who drags the “why’s” and “how could he’s” and the “I don’t understand’s” out over weeks or months, my advice would be to get professional help. They're professionals for a reason, and it’s better than annoying the shit out of your friends.
WJNTY - Seth