In spite of all this, Bianca is still in the process of searching and praying about her decision to be single, and feels that attitude and intent are of primary importance. "It’s one thing to be committed to singleness until something better comes along, and it’s another to be committed to lifelong singleness because you feel it is what God is calling you to. To me, that is a serious commitment and I would never want to make it flippantly."
"How can you tell when God is leading you in a certain direction," I asked her.
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She told me she could usually recognize God’s will through feelings and impressions she gets when she prays, reads her Bible, or talks with other people who have the same faith. "Right now," she says, "I know that if I chose to stay single, it would be partially out of the pain I experienced from my parents’ separation and from a previous romantic relationship that was difficult. I want to heal from those first, and then I think I’ll be in a better place to decide."
God Wants Me To Marry
Kathy’s life is quite different from Bianca’s, yet the questions she is wrestling with have a similar basis. Kathy lives in Southern California. She is 53 years old, a survivor of Stage 4 breast cancer, and the mother of two sons.
Like Bianca, Kathy also considered remaining single, and there were several points in her life where she thought she would never marry again. "After my last marriage, I was single for 19 years, and I had cancer for 11 of them," she says. "It was a huge time of drawing really close to the Lord because I didn’t have a man to share with, confide in, make me happy in the middle of the night, or allay my fears."
She talks about how she relied on God for all of those things, and how he never failed to provide her with peace and strength and all that she needed to mentally push through her illness. At some of her lowest points, she would turn up her worship music, sing to God, and literally cry out to him. It was this experience that provided the framework for the faith and trust she has in him today.
Unlike Bianca, Kathy’s time of singleness is coming to a close, as she has recently fallen in love and is now engaged to be married. I asked her to describe her decision-making process, and how she came to the realization that he was who she wanted to marry.
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"I was married twice before," she says, "and I never consulted God about marrying either of those men. This time around, I wanted to do things differently." She joined an online dating site, and the password she chose to use was "God’s Man." She also said she prayed repeatedly that God would help her to see the men she dated through his eyes, and not just her own.