"How can you tell when God is leading you in a certain direction," I asked her.
She told me she could usually recognize God’s will through feelings and impressions she gets when she prays, reads her Bible, or talks with other people who have the same faith. "Right now," she says, "I know that if I chose to stay single, it would be partially out of the pain I experienced from my parents’ separation and from a previous romantic relationship that was difficult. I want to heal from those first, and then I think I’ll be in a better place to decide."
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God Wants Me To Marry
Kathy’s life is quite different from Bianca’s, yet the questions she is wrestling with have a similar basis. Kathy lives in Southern California. She is 53 years old, a survivor of Stage 4 breast cancer, and the mother of two sons.
Like Bianca, Kathy also considered remaining single, and there were several points in her life where she thought she would never marry again. "After my last marriage, I was single for 19 years, and I had cancer for 11 of them," she says. "It was a huge time of drawing really close to the Lord because I didn’t have a man to share with, confide in, make me happy in the middle of the night, or allay my fears."
She talks about how she relied on God for all of those things, and how he never failed to provide her with peace and strength and all that she needed to mentally push through her illness. At some of her lowest points, she would turn up her worship music, sing to God, and literally cry out to him. It was this experience that provided the framework for the faith and trust she has in him today.
Unlike Bianca, Kathy’s time of singleness is coming to a close, as she has recently fallen in love and is now engaged to be married. I asked her to describe her decision-making process, and how she came to the realization that he was who she wanted to marry.
"I was married twice before," she says, "and I never consulted God about marrying either of those men. This time around, I wanted to do things differently." She joined an online dating site, and the password she chose to use was "God’s Man." She also said she prayed repeatedly that God would help her to see the men she dated through his eyes, and not just her own.
She mentioned several things she appreciated about her fiance's character, and said they often laughed together and felt comfortable around each other. Most importantly, Kathy is confident they will be able to work through life’s problems. "There have been several times when issues have come up in our relationship, as they do in every relationship," she says. "What’s been different with him is that I’ve asked God to show me if this is something we can work through, or if I should see it as a red flag."
After they prayed and talked things over, Kathy said she was filled with an incredible sense of peace. "There’s no more doubt or frustration, just peace in our relationship. I felt like that was the biggest answer to my prayers."
As I wrapped up my conversations with both of these ladies, I felt newly inspired by their unique approaches to faith and to making difficult choices in their lives. It also made me eager to hear the stories of others who have dealt with these questions in one way or another.
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That is where you come in. How did you decide whom to date or marry? Have you ever considered remaining single, and if so, why?