Do NOT Take A Friend To A Wedding

going stag

The opportunity costs are just too high not to go stag at a wedding.

Outside of an ounce of pre-booze loneliness (Mssrs. Jack Daniels and Dom Perignon almost always skip the ceremony), I can think of no single reason to insist on bringing a date to a wedding (outside of a decent chance of hotel sex). Sure, a crass uncle may think you're gay (ladies can be gay), but he may think doubly so when you introduce a date as just a friend—and who cares what that pederast thinks anyway?

That said, sometimes (like in a Julia Roberts film) you are absolutely convinced you can't go solo. That's when you have to fall back to this checklist:

-Are they unbelievably fun to be around?
-Do they dance?
-Are they at least an eight in the looks department or (if a man) a 9 in the humor department?
-Will they possibly put out (remember hotel room sex?)? If not, are they a talented and selfless wingman/woman?
-Are they willing to chip in for travel and/or a gift?

If the answer to four out of five of these is a resounding "yes," feel free to invite your buddy... or pay a relative stranger. That said, a young actor in New Jersey is looking for a wedding date and has put together a funny website to accomplish his mission. Godspeed, young actor. Check out and see if you have what it takes.

* Or some surrogate equivalent if distance, death or maximum security penitentiaries prove tricky.


Expert advice

Save your breath because you only need two words to make him commit.
Are you REALLY thinking about their happiness?
If you keep finding yourself in heartbreaking, dead end relationships, listen up.
It seems like you can't do anything right.