wall of tinsel


using the stack of sparkly Christmas ornaments as an excuse.

So I sort of met someone this weekend....or rather re-met them.  Old friend from high school.  He lives out of town but asked to come and see me, but I deferred to travel to see him, and keep my home as a respit for me.  After a great weekend, I contemplated the idea of spiffing up the palace for an official visit.  I looked around to see what needed addressing besides the obvious cleaning, and in the corner of my room, like an old purse or courtesy hotel toiletries from my last trip is this stack of Christmas ornaments.

They aren't all ornaments, but some are labels, bows, ribbons that don't go with my current motif but I won't throw away.  I have spent the last year healing, accepting that what I did may have been wrong but who I am isn't.  If I am ready for some dipomatic dating, I need to box up the bows and roll out the red carpet.  It sort of occured to me that if I don't have those bows in the corner or towel on the floor, or spot on the carpet, then all he will be left to judge is me.  So I ask you, who really wants that?  Aren't I safer having that barrier of bows between me and what might be than jumping in not knowing how deep it is?

I dunno...but these bows are security.  Dislove me because I can't live sans the sparkle, but don't dislove me because I am once again not good enough.  I haven't figured out why (but have almost accepted the fact that I wasn't) from my last adventure.  I cannot give any more love that isn't requited.  Period.

What say you?


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