So I decided to leave and without telling him, I changed my flight, packed my things and left, leaving only a note behind.
I then received a very beautiful, honest e-mail. He told me in it that he had suffered a lot in our relationship (something I hadn't known because he always said he was fine - British stiff upper lip thing) because he thought that I had cheated on him, didn't love him as much or would leave him anyway. I have never done anything like that and always tried to show him that he was the love of my life. I think he has very strong self-esteem issues and feelings of "unworthiness". When I was still being nice to him when he was so distant, I suppose that he felt even more unworthy, making him feel guilty and wanting to get away from it all, I could imagine.
He said that he had made the decision to move on and that it wasn't the same as moving on. He also mention ed in this e-mail that I would remember the thousands of "eternal moments", the happy memories we shared. And before I had left, he had said to me that "whatever happened, he'd always consider me the love of his life". At Christmas, when things were already rocky, he had even said that he would never get over me, without me having asked.
I don't understand and I am so confused. I honestly believe that he still loves me (and I still love him too), but he seems not to want our relationship anymore. I replied to his e-mail, trying to show understanding for how he had felt, trying to explain that he had been wrong and that I didn't want our relationship to end over what was basically just our own fears, indicating that he'd have a chance to get back with me but that it was his shot. It's been two days and he hasn't replied yet. I don't know what to do. He is a very stubborn person and if he has made the decision to move on, I am quite sure that he will stick to it even if it i s killing him on the inside. I also fear that if I don't contact him for a long time, he will think that I am totally fine without him, confirming his suspicions about me.
I wish you could help, perhaps provide me with some insight. I am confused and lost, and feel very helpless.