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Is Your Sex Drive Hurting Your Love Life?

By Betty Confidential. Posted on Jul 18th 2011.

A look at how a demanding libido could greatly affect your relationship.

You're walking down the street and you see a gorgeous man smile at you. His once-over gives you a little thrill and you imagine what a first date might be like with him. But wait! You're in a committed relationship with a man that you adore. There will be no first date for you.

What does your wandering eye mean? Are you falling out of love with your committed man? No ladies, you are normal.

Somewhere in history, culture taught women more than men (but they get the message too) that when two people commit to each other, their lust for other people dies. In many ways, it's understandable. When your man is checking out another woman it can be hurtful—especially if you feel you may be supplanted in the relationship. But, the problem with this message that your attraction to others should die when you commit is that it doesn't line up with human biology.

Dr. Helen Fisher, an evolutionary anthropologist, has identified an emotion-motivation system that my colleague Dr. Tom Hicks and I call the sexual trifecta. Two of the three emotion-motivation systems encourage intimacy and support the development of a family structure. The third aspect, sex drive, plays havoc with commitment (Fisher, 2009).

Want to know what your sudden lust translates to? Read more at the Betty Confidential: Sexpert Julie: Is Your Sex Drive Hurting Your Relationship?

Written by Julie Elledge, Ph.D.