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What Server Errors Can Teach You About Breakups

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According to Maile Ohye, a 503 server error has more in common with breakups than you'd imagine.

How often do you think, "Wow, this is exactly like my relationship" after receiving a 503 server error? Yeah, we never do either, but a comical new blog entry from writer Maile Ohye has shown us the light. As a Google employee by day, we imagine she's predisposed to make these connections!

In her piece titled "Recovering from a broken heart in HTTP status codes," Ohye compares our loves lives to a website directory. Think of yourself as www.you.com. After a breakup, any attempts to land on www.you.com/romantic-interest would only elicit a 404: requested page not found.

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How nerdy! And by nerdy, we mean accurate. And awesome. Ohye packages breakups in five stages named after various status messages. For instance, stage one is Error 503: Service unavailable. You are traumatized. The server is down for maintenance. But don't worry, this too shall pass. 20 Shocking Breakup Statistics

Stage two is the "dating again" stage. We put that in quotes because this stage entails weasling out of dates that your well-meaning friends attempt to arrange for you. Um, www.you.com/romantic-interest? Error 404: server cannot find the requested page. Unless he's Ryan Reynolds and he's single, the requested page does not exist.

Stage three is rife with 503 Service Unavailable errors all over the romantic interest directory, and 200s (successful connections) everywhere else. Your love life might be on the fritz, but www.you.com/career and www.you.com/fitness are are at peak performance.

Stages four and five are a little more promising. Stage four, otherwise known as the rebound stage, can be compared to receiving a 302 redirect code upon searching for www.you.com/romantic-interest. The page has moved temporarily, but it'll be back to normal once it's done canoodling with www.hotguy.com/also-likes-sonic-youth/omg-soulmates. 

Stage five is, finally, populated by 200s. The bugs have been fixed, eternal sadness has been averted, and the romantic interest directory loads like a charm.

After reading her blog post, we couldn't help coming up with a few of our own HTTP love life status codes of our own. If you're reading this, Ms. Ohye, what do you think?

When a guy tries to ask you out after not calling you for two weeks:
408 (Request Timeout): The server timed out waiting for a request.

When a guy dumps you over a voicemail:
414 (Unsupported Media Type): The request is in a format not supported by the page.

When your ex-boyfriend invites you to his wedding:
501 (Not Implemented): The server does not have the functionality to fulfill the request.

When www.hipster-adonis.com/reading-great-gatsby-in-bar says, "We'll be in touch" after getting your info.
300 (Multiple Choices): The server has several potential actions based on the request. Should I wait for him to call? Should I text him? Should I show up at his apartment pretending that I accidentally rang his doorbell? Throw the server a bone, man.

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When your boss inquires about your favorite type of flower. You know, after he complimented your pencil skirt:
403 (Forbidden): The server is refusing the request. Goodbye now!

Check out the full list of HTTP status codes for more ideas. What server errors is your love life experiencing?

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