Is Non-Monogamy The Key To An Affair-Free Marriage?


Is Non-Monogamy The Key To An Affair-Free Marriage?
In the NYT Magazine, Dan Savage suggests non-monogamy as an antidote to infidelity in marriage.

The Times reports that in 2010, "NORC, a research center at the University of Chicago, found that, among those who had ever been married, 14 percent of women and 20 percent of men admitted to having an affair." How many of these affairs stemmed from women and men feeling too ashamed to tell their partner what they really wanted sexually? Savage believes that if a person's sexual desires aren't being met, there's no shame in simply asking your partner to experiment with you. If couples are expected to be monogamous, "then you have to be whores for each other. You have to be up for anything." 20 Percent Of Italians Favor Open Relationships Over Monogamy

Of course, non-monogamy tends to appeal more to men than women, who generally have a harder time separating physical and emotional intimacy. For many women, there is no such thing as "just sex." Savage thinks its better for women to know what men are really like, so that they don't go on "marrying and pretending that their boyfriends and husbands are Mr. Darcy or some RomCom dream man."  YourTango Quickies: New Factoids On Cheating, Orgasms & Divorce


What's important to remember is that marriage is not the same for everyone. One size never fits all, according to Judith Stacey, a New York University sociologist interviewed for the article, and "variation is what's natural." In this case, Stacey says couples should decide on the vows they want to make. This way, when they work out the terms of their commitments together, they can be on the same page.

Infidelity, after all, is what Savage sees as another trial that "marriages can be expected to survive." And the best advice he can offer other married couples is to get a sense for one another and plan accordingly.

How do you feel about non-monogamy?

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