Sexy is a state of mind.
For many people, there's a direct correlation between negative self image and their libido. It's hard to feel sexy with a slew of negative thoughts swirling around in your head. We asked our Experts to weigh in with simple yet effective ways readers can feel sexier right now.
Using the principal of acting "as if" (AKA fake it until you make it), we think this can help even the most stubborn believer to connect with their more sexual self and reap some of the amazing benefits of a healthy sex life.
Below are 12 expert-approved ways you can bring the sexy back in your life today.
1. Embrace Yourself
Grab onto whatever bits you tend to consider your "problem" and tell that flesh, out loud, that you love, cherish, respect and honor it, and let it know that it's absolutely perfect just the way it is. The more you say it, the more you'll believe it. Most women have a tendency to use negative language about their bodies. Simply changing the way you think and talk about your body can have a powerful impact on all aspects of your life.
2. Do Something That Scares You
It's easy to fall into routines that turn into ruts, but trying new things literally triggers a happiness response in the brain. So do something you've always thought looked fun but never had the nerve to try. That spin class you've been talking about trying is a great place to start. Go skydiving. Travel. Learn a new language. Get your Scuba certificate. Endorphins are a powerful thing, and you can stimulate them right now for immediate gratification and long-term gain.
3. Chill Out
The simple act of letting yourself relax is a tremendous first step toward total satisfaction. While it's easier said than done in a hyper-connected world full of stress, deadlines and an inflated sense of urgency about practically everything, once you've mastered the art of letting go, a whole new world opens up.
According to Psychology Today's Sexuality Today blogger, Dr. Steven Snyder, "If you can't relax, sex is going to suffer." So every once in a while, turn off your phone and laptop, switch off the TV and lay your worries temporarily to the side. Make an appointment with yourself (or your partner) to do absolutely nothing for at least a solid hour — no agenda, no goals, no distractions — and see what happens.
4. Wear Something Sexy
Even if you're just making cereal, watching reality TV or vacuuming the living room, wear something that makes your feel your best. Maybe it's some sexy lingerie, a sultry summer dress or your favorite skinny jeans. Comfy clothes tend to give people permission to "let go" and start indulging. Ever notice that when you are wearing something sexy it changes your whole energy? Instead of getting home and getting into your comfortable clothes, light some candles and get comfortable with feeling sexy instead!
It's as simple as making eye contact with people as you walk down the street. Maybe even give a little smile and ignite that twinkle in your eye. Just putting out those attraction vibes will instantly increase your mojo. Whether you're married or single, we all want to feel desired. This type of innocent flirting is great foreplay that will instantly make you feel sexy and empowered.
6. Stop Competing
Body image agonies are aggravated to a great extent by woman-on-woman competition for desirability or "Who's the prettiest in the room?" Women will pick on the tiniest details and microflaws in other women because they are strongly focused on winning this competition. Know this: most men are desirous of the major sexy points of your body. They don't care about the small flaws.
7. Accentuate The Positive
Choose clothes, casual and Friday night outfits, that fit you (men) and accentuate your assets (women). Guys, go ask women friends of your partner or those who aren't prospective sweethearts to take you shopping and help make you over. The transformations are really eye-opening. Seeing their approval and feeling your own improvement when you look in the mirror is what you need.
8. Pamper Yourself
Treat yourself to a little dose of lavish luxury. Give yourself permission to let go of any guilt and simply indulge in something that reawakens your sensual energy. Maybe it's treating yourself to a massage, mani/pedi, facial or a nice long bubble bath. You could go dancing or out for a nice long walk in nature. Simply allow yourself to relinquish responsibilities for an hour and reconnect with yourself.
9. Try On A Different Persona
There's a reason why Halloween parties are so much fun, and why so many women totally change their hair after a breakup. Playing dress-up is just plain liberating. It's nice to take a break from over-analyzing how we look by making a drastic change, even if it's temporary. Wear something totally out of character, just for a day, or book an appointment with an amazing stylist. Switch it up big-time and enjoy the way everyone around you responds.
10. Go On A Hot Date ... With Yourself
Independence is sexy, period. So whether you're officially attached or a total free agent, treat yourself to a hot date with you. Hit up a new restaurant and order something delicious. Slide into an actual conversation with your server instead of a ten-word exchange about the menu. Bring a great book and pause between chapters to absorb the sights, sounds and quirks of where you are. There's something mysterious — and therefore hot — about going on a little adventure and savoring the fact that the world is full of possibilities.
Read a book and do research on massage, then, if you can, share what you learned with a partner. Practice and you'll get better.
Feeling sexy isn't just about what you look like, no matter how much our culture is glued to that belief. It also lies in confidence born of what skills you can bring to the bedroom. If you know yourself as sensuously capable, then you will exude that confidence naturally — in and out of the bedroom.
12. Remember That Resolve, Determination And Spirit Are Sexy
Some tips are fast changers. However, as much as this stings to hear it, most major change doesn't happen immediately. Take up an exercise plan for targeting some parts of your body you know you want changed, but along the way, be thankful for what parts are hot and be happy for your blessings and strengths. Don't get discouraged when you don't see results overnight. Remember that the path is the result — and investing in your health and well-being in a positive way is never going to disappoint.