Episode 5 of The Bachelorette began with the boys ditching Phuket and heading north to Chang Mai, the most beautiful place on earth. (When did they start jetting guys around so early in the show? Seriously.)
Ashley wanders through lush gardens contemplating life in a skimpy mini-dress. She still secretly pines for Bentley, but that won't stop her from getting to know the remaining guys.
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The first date card arrives and Ben F. gets the call. Ashley struts in wearing a short, white miniskirt and fuchsia top then whisks him off in a tuk tuk. They go shopping at a local mart, where they share a "mind kiss" in front of a temple because it's too sacred to swap spit in front of.
The first two bachelors hop in the ring and start beating the living shumai out of each other. Ashley starts getting nervous. Was this was a bad idea? Ames (clearly a lover, not a fighter) steps into the ring with Ryan. He doesn't know what he's doing and Ryan lands a punch that sends Ames into slow-mo. He loses the fight, but not his dignity. He wobbles out of the ring and sits there with glassy eyes, trying not to pass out. Finally a P.A. takes Ames away and within minutes he's heading to the ER. Way to pick dates, Ashley. What ever happened to dinner and a movie? 50 Best Summer Date Ideas
At the cocktail party, Ashley has a hard time flirting with other guys because Ames might be dead in a Thai hospital. Luckily, he finally shows up and to thank Ashley for a fun day, punches her in the face. Kidding.
The next day is the dreaded 2-on-1 date with William, the least funny comic in all of Thailand, and Ben C., the lawyer. They head down a river on a raft Huck Finn style and William decides to throw Ben C. under an elephant, dishing to Ashley that Ben isn't into her and can't wait to get home to rack up tail with other ladies. Ashley freaks out and lets her "I'm not Emily and Bentley doesn't love me" insecurities get the best of her and sends Ben C. packing without even letting him explain. Even for all his effort, over dinner Ashley is not feeling William, and sends him home, too. Don't worry, you know he's gonna crawl through a mile of poo to get on Bachelor Pad. We'll see him again.
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Then. FINALLY. What we've all been waiting for one week and TWO HOURS for. Is Bentley coming back? With 30 seconds left in the show, how can he possibly show up, right? Well, he doesn't. It's yet another freaking tease for NEXT weeks show when he indeed, does come back and start World War III with the other guys.
Is it next Monday yet?