Recently, Eva Mendes made headlines when she put down marriage on Chelsey Lately, calling it "archaic" and "unsexy." After reading her statements, however, I'm wondering if she even understands what marriage is really all about.
She started out by clarifying that she's not "anti-marriage" or "against the institution" when it involves other people. (Whew! I would hate to think that my 16-year marriage did not have her blessing. That could make me rethink everything.) 3 Essential Things That Make A Marriage Work
She said that marriage is "not personal" and that it's "just the institution," claiming that all of us poor married sheep just tied the knot because society told us we were supposed to.
But wait—it couldn't possibly be because we have found the person with whom we want to join in spirit and soul, with whom we want to create a family, with whom we want to grow with emotionally and spiritually, could it? Nah. Probably not.
Eva, never having wed but having been with her boyfriend for nearly 10 years, blamed one of the reasons she doesn't want to get married on the TV shows about weddings that are "so over the top. It's not about what it should be about," she complained. 6 Wedding-Themed TV Shows To Watch
Sigh. It's sad, but I think I know what's actually happening here.
It seems Eva is confusing the marriage and the wedding, or at least implying that everyone who is married has gotten that way in an outlandish ceremony with 25 bridesmaids, 3 rented elephants and a life-size ice sculpture of the Eiffel Tower. Does she realize, I wonder, that a) not everyone's wedding is over the top, although still quite beautiful, and b) one does not even need a "ceremony" at all to become husband and wife. Does she realize that the wedding does not make the marriage?
My favorite quote from Eva's interview, however, has to be her opinion that when you're in your 50s or 60s it's "sexy" to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, and it's "very unsexy" to say you have a husband or wife. Apparently, as soon as you sign that marriage certificate you transform from a hunka burnin' love to a frumpy, foul asexual—and it only gets worse with every year you endure this ball-and-chain contract. What is Marriage For?: The Strange Social History of Our Most Intimate Institution
What is it about a "piece of paper" that makes the same person suddenly unattractive, I wonder? Could it be that commitment and unconditional love are too permanent for her? Does she feel like she needs the uncertainty of a unboundaried relationship and a little mistrust to keep the spark alive? If so, all I can say is that I feel sorry for her. She's swearing off marriage without really understanding what it is, or how it was designed to be.