Eventually, I realized I had to rectify this situation. Sexy time doesn’t have to leave you drowning in self-doubt. There are a few little things you can do to increase your confidence and feel great and sexy.
Find a mantra that sexually empowers you.
It doesn’t matter what it is. It can be something as simple as “I am sexy,” but whatever it is should inspire you. Repeat it to yourself a billion times a day if you have to. Its important to give yourself positive affirmations to counteract all the negative messages we give ourselves or receive from the outside that chip away our self-esteem.
Stop comparing yourself to other people.
There was a time when I couldn’t get in bed with a guy without wondering what his previous partners were like. Was she more aggressive? Was she quieter and daintier? Was she able to give head for hours? Were her boobs bigger? Was her stomach flatter? It was miserable and completely fruitless. You are the person your partner is choosing to be with right now. Not this fictional porn star goddess you’re obsessing over. College Candy: Forget About Everyone Else: Embrace You
Engage your insecurities in battle.
You’re not comfortable at your current weight? Take steps to live a healthier lifestyle. You don’t think you’re pretty? Spend at least 2 minutes a day complimenting the features you do like. It sounds cheeseball, but it totally works. You don’t like the “flaws” you think your body has? When you have the opportunity, get naked and dance. Put on your favorite Britney song and shake it. It might feel awkward and uncomfortable at first, but learn to love your body for what it is and what it isn’t. A little jiggle never hurt anyone, your cellulite does not diminish your beauty, and at the end of the day, you are going to be in your body for a very long time. Enjoy it!
Make every hookup a learning experience.
If you’re feeling inadequate about your sexual prowess, get a little feedback from your partner. It’s okay to ask, once, if they like what you’re doing. Your partner will appreciate your selflessness and you’ll either score an awesome compliment or a piece of constructive criticism (emphasis on constructive. If your partner is rude, don’t take it personally. They’re gauche and classless.)
At the end of the day, it’s sex. It’s not rocket science, it’s not neurosurgery, it is not anything remotely life or death. Generally, people go into it just wanting to have a good time and/or get off. Most people don’t expect unattainable perfection from their partners – they just want a mutually pleasurable experience. Generally, no one is ever as critical of us as we are of ourselves.
You encounter a lot of enemies in your lifetime – backstabbers, draconian bosses, clumpy mascara, people who don’t know how to walk through a bar without spilling half their drink on your favorite pair of pumps – there’s no reason to add yourself to that list.
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