If your relationship has broken down and you are not ready to start dating again, what do you do?
This landed in my inbox the other day:
"My ex and I had been going out for a year and a half. He had expressed so many times how much he cared about me and all that jazz. About two months ago he was talking with his parents (he is 18 and still lives with them) and they convinced him that I was not right for him because of my religion. He left and we played the text messaging game backwards and forwards. He came back after I mentioned I was simply going to hang out with this guy he used to be jealous of.
However, his parents got to him AGAIN and he left. I convinced him to come back, some what. He was telling me he loved me, but he is "unsure" and getting "bad feelings". I know it is all from the things his parents tell him because their opinion matters more to him than his own. To get his parents off his back I tried writing a letter explaining myself and my "terrible" mistakes to them.
The day before I gave him the letter I asked him, "Do you really want options?" and he relied with "Yeah.... I am not feeling too good......." I told him that I had to leave him for good because I could not play the game anymore. He then told me, "Do not give up hope!! I am going to talk to them about the letter tomorrow." They ended up declining my request to let him make the choice on his own. He is following what they say wholeheartedly.
I know he loves me but his parents really do have a lot of control over him. It is really sickening. I want to convince him that HE loves me and its about time he becomes independent. How do I get him to come back to me? I am so confused!!!"
- It's tough letting go of a boyfriend you've been dating, particularly if the relationship ended for reasons beyond your control (like interfering parents).
- In this instance, I would give him an ultimatum, saying that you will not be ruled by HIS parents, and that he needs to make a decision. Tell him that he needs to live his own life, a life not dictated to by his parents.