Go, Means --- Go.


Go, Means --- Go.

On the 19th of March, the moon was as close to the Earth as it has or will be for the next 18 years. A feat that most assuredly comes with cosmic strings attached. An astronomer predicted that the onset of this would cause the universe, or Lady Earth, as we know her to revolt. And she did.

A few years ago after browsing engagement rings with Fool’s Gold, a man I was very much in love with, announced to me “Sometimes I don’t know whether I like boys … or girls.” Meaning that if a penis or a vagina fell over board on a cruise ship five days in a row – some days he might save the penis, and others — the vagina. As you can imagine, things didn’t go the way I’d hoped after that exchange as he was/is a lot bit gay. Though it was super thoughtful of him to give me a heads up — especially with the possibility of us taking things to the next level which Psssttt … was NEVER going to happen because Pssstttt he had the straight eye, for the queer guy. But I digress … That was over three years and several favorite mistakes ago.


Being in love … falling in love and being torn from it or out of it, for me is like having one of your limbs trapped under a boulder in the deep of the Amazon and freeing yourself with a dull butter knife. Deliberately painful and yet, absolutely necessary in order to save your life. I’m grateful and humbled the experience didn’t melt my heart to stone. A testament to the spirit of love, in that I’m not angry with this person. And Hope, in that I believe I will be able to fully love again — someday. While it didn’t destroy me, it did however leave me with a mild to severe case of PTTD, or Post-Traumatic Trust Disorder as the kids call it. And by kids, I mean I just made that up right now.

Post-Traumatic trust disorder is a type of romantical anxiety disorder. It can occur after you’ve experienced a traumatic break-up that involved your heart being mauled by rapid dingos unexpectedly, as you lie there bleeding helplessly before your closest friends and family. And the guy at the Piggly Wiggly who refers to you as “Cherry’s Garcia” every Friday night. An example of this would be finding out that you’ve spent the last year of your life falling in love with a man who likes other men. And by likes them, I mean inside of him. And by inside of him, I mean he’s a power bottom. And yes, power bottom is a real term. Google it.

The main symptoms of PTTD is anxiety brought on by an unexpected breach of trust. These symptoms are generally dormant until they’re awakened by the onset of an episode or event that violates trust. An example of this might be that you continuously fall for men that are sayyyyy emotionally unavailable — to you. For instance, if it were your birthday and you’d planned a fabtastic dinner party and you wanted someone you cared about to be there — and then they text you and said … “Hey, I can’t make dinner because I’m breast feeding a groundhog that lost its mother about 10 years ago — the ground hog is a friend of a friend, and I feel obligated to help.” Or you know something random like that — its late. The best way to avoid PTTD is to focus on one’s work and avoid dealings with members of the opposite sex you might want to pound it out with.

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