How to date successfully and come out marrying the right one.
Our twenties and thirties are a time to explore and experiment. When we don’t give ourselves time to explore our wishes, desires, and wants, we become dissatisfied with what or whom we chose. You often hear about women being too picky about men—this may sound like you. As they get a bit older, the list of qualifications gets longer and longer as they begin wanting what they can’t get, and stop appreciating what they can get.
There’s a trick.
Ladies, if you are picky about who you want as your husband, you are on the right track. The caveat is STOP shopping for a husband. Instead look for fun or interesting dates. Why? As you get more serious about finding Mr. Right, you become trapped. So you limit yourself to not going out with just anyone, the guy has got to have a lot of potential, right? We hear you—you do not waste your time getting involved with the wrong guys.
Exactly! Not only does Mars Venus suggest stop shopping for a husband, but focus instead on having fun and connecting. Shift your focus. While looking for your Mr. Hubby the key is dating lots and lots of guys. Be extremely careful about getting involved with ANY guy until it is the RIGHT guy.
A revolving door of several men is the solution to finding Mr. Right-for-you. If you are still figuring out who you are yourself, and you’re separating who you are from all the outside influences telling you who you should be and what you should be doing with your life—you are already feeling a lot of emotional turmoil. Sometimes it feels safer to just date one man at a time, or not at all.
If a man is interested in you and he seems interesting to you, go out have a good time—even if he is not marriage material. Keep one man on the way out, one that’s a bit regular, and one on the way. Let them know you’re dating a bunch of men. If they have a problem—NEXT!
Read and listen to this carefully: DATING MANY MEN DOES NOT MEAN SLEEPING AROUND. And for the men reading this: DATING MANY WOMEN DOES NOT MEAN SLEEPING WITH EACH ONE. This means quite the opposite. If there are hurts from the past, when you become sexually intimate in a relationship you’re vulnerable, and suddenly you become more aware of what you’re feeling inside left over from your unresolved past. Your late twenties and early thirties are supposed to be a time of emotional maturity, whereas your early twenties were for physically maturing. This time period is critical for you to listen to your inner guidance. You’re questioning what you’ve learned from others and whether it’s true for you. Other people can help you along in your journey, but you do have to slog through it to find what’s true for your heart and what works for you. What may have been right for someone else may not be right for you. Listen to your intuition.
When you don’t listen to your inner guidance during your late twenties and early thirties, then you will revisit growing into emotional maturity at a later age. It’s a stage of life we all go through. If you miss it, then guess what you’ll be revisiting in your 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s? If you settled down, and you’ve grown away from your partner, if you have had children, or you drift from one intimate relationship to another and are afraid to commit you will still go through the growing pains. It will hurt more. More lives will be involved, and time will be lost. Child-bearing years fly by. If you miss these stages of development, be creative. There’s adoption, foster parenting, mentoring, and tutoring to fill the void if you’re unable to have children or it takes a long time to heal your wounded heart.
If there is pain in your heart from past relationships, before you can become intimate again, those wounds must heal. Otherwise you will continue to be afraid. This is why you may find yourself overly picky and afraid of true intimacy. Having sex with each “serious” boyfriend or hook-ups one after another does not heal you or open your heart up for greater intimacy. It may do the exact opposite as you stray further away from your inner truth. Using coaches
who specialize in gender intelligent communication will help you create an action plan with relationship goals specific to your life.
Men who’ve been hurt in the past don’t hesitate to get intimately involved right away. However, they will pull back from making a commitment as soon as a woman expects a commitment. She will suddenly find him picky. Both sexes do this, because they haven’t matured and are not listening to their inner guidance. Instead they use relationships to temporarily make themselves feel loveable. Remember, if you do not love and forgive yourself and your hurts first, it is impossible for another to live up to your expectations. If you find yourself too busy in your career and other relationships to avoid intimacy—this also keeps you stuck. The secret is date a lot, while avoiding getting too intimate, until you have healed your past. We’ll visit healing your past in future articles.
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