Finding SELF after divorce can be tricky, especially if you don’t have SELF well defined. When I talk with my clients about self they often feel uneasy because to them SELF equals selfish. This is absolutely not true. SELF to me is your mind, body and spirit. All three of these need to be nourished after divorce, so the real you can fully emerge. And only then, do you have more to give to others.
Once the divorce is final you may feel like bits and pieces of YOU are everywhere. One piece may have left with your ex-husband and another with your ex-in-laws. You may also feel like your kids, friends and parents need a piece of you and your precious energy. What is left?
More from YourTango: 6 Ways To Celebrate Valentine's Day Solo
Finding SELF after divorce is sometimes a long process but there are a few things you can do now to jump start your life. A big part in finding SELF is now dependent on how you make choices. What decisions you make moment by moment define the rest of your life. Learning what drives your decision process can be invaluable.
Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph. D. (Brain Scientist) in her book My Stroke of Insight says, “I define responsibility (response-ability) as the ability to choose how we respond to stimulation coming in through our sensory systems at any moment in time. Although there are certain limbic system (emotional) programs that can be triggered automatically, it takes less than 90 seconds for one of these programs to be triggered, surge through our body, and then be completely flushed out of our blood.”
The implication of this information is amazing. She continues to explain how our programmed response (example: when we anger) is automatically triggered, which enables a chemical to be released from our brain and surge through our body. We then have a physiological experience. Yet, if we decide to still be angry after the initial 90 seconds it is something we are doing through the power of choice. It is easy with this information to understand the old saying, “Count to ten first, and then respond.”
Many divorced women want to have a powerful sense of SELF and live consciously. They do not want life to just happen to them. Instead they want to create a life they love. I have any easy exercise you can use when you want to make a conscious choice and you are getting triggered. I call it S..B..L..L..S
At the first sign of being triggered you:
- S (stop)
- B (breathe)
- L (look around and observe your situation)
- L (listen to your heart)
- S (speak your truth)
This simple little SBLLS exercise can propel you into a life you love, a life that YOU truly want to live. To take your life to the next level of satisfaction you may want to hire a Counselor or a Relationship Coach. Please know that you and your life are well worth the extra effort. I wish you much joy, happiness and love!
More from YourTango: Alone During the Holidays
"Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it."