Why I Want To Work On Mother's Day

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woman working at computer
One mother works on finding that delicate balance of family time and personal time in her life.

It's almost Mother's Day, one of my favorite holidays. I love waking up to breakfast in bed, excited chatter, little buttery hands and syrupy lips. But this year, when the chatter turns to jabs and tears, I want my husband, Matt, to negotiate what comes next while I slip out for a bit. And not for a manicure or a massage—nothing that distracts. This Mother's Day, I want to come up with a plan to create space in my life just for me.

Lately, I've been feeling overwhelmed by the emotions that come from within me. Anxiety, fear... however you want to label it. It's a sort of tightening, a sense of helplessness. How do I react when a boy drowns? A friend's husband leaves her? I worry.

I get hyper-focused on one part of my life, namely our kids, and the fears surrounding that part spin out of control. My mind ticks through a slew of what ifs. The world outside shifts quickly when you're at home with your face pressed up against the glass. It starts to feel too big. There's too much you need to protect your children from. 5 Tips On Coping With Anxiety

But the truth is, the world outside isn't too big. The issue is that when you let a part of yourself go—like your career—your world becomes smaller, and without balance, you lose perspective. You lose your sense of proportion, which makes it hard to face your fears.

Balance, I think, doesn't mean a little bit of everything. It's more like finding a part of yourself in what you choose to do, the ability to access your internal space. When you stay at home, there is a part of you that remains unseen. You have to figure out how to bring that part to the surface, because a marriage doesn't stay healthy when one partner disappears into it. 2 Types Of Marriage That Make Women Happiest

For me, intellectual work—writing, in particular—lures that part out. But I rarely do it. All I see is unmade beds, laundry strewn on the floor, bills I've yet to open. This Mother's Day, I want to change that. I want to take time to prioritize.

Each of us, at some point in our lives, will need to find balance. And it's easier to do so before you have to. 

This Mother's Day, I hope to find balance by carving out a part of this life that is mine, that can't be taken away. A place that I can find joy that isn't dependent on my husband or our children. Because children grow. Our jobs as parents are to free our kids... and I want to have something left when I let them go.

How do you find balance in your life? 

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